I'm JuZ a liL mE wiF mY oWn LiFe...

Goodbye 2011.Hello 2012.

2011-12-31T22:21:00.001+08:00

It’s time to say goodbye to Year 2011.

And welcome Year 2012.

It is the end of the year. I don’t really know how I really feel about Year 2011. I think 2011 has been very kind to me. And many major things happened, but I didn’t blog about them.

I remembered January 2011 was bad. Really bad. The first time I hated someone so much in my life. It spilled over from Dec 2010 to Jan 2011. It was a time I felt so stressed and just kept crying and crying. I totally felt lousy as a leader at that point of time. It was a major thing that I keep thinking back now and then if I have made the wrong choice to take up that responsibility. I do know I regretted not being able to have a good bonding with that particular group of people. It felt like a nightmare. But I have to say, it was memorable. It does mark a significant part of my uni life.

I remembered February 2011 Valentine’s Day. I spent it with my idol, JJ Lin. It was the first time I went on air at a radio station. I have a secret though. Haha… Even though my idol was sitting back facing me, I was goggling at the DJ who happened to sit directly opposite me most of the time. That was my fav DJ! Oops! It was a great experience really! :D

I remembered March 2011’s best part was JJ’s concert. It was awesome, as always. I liked it when he sang “Home”, totally melted my heart. And I did remember how crazy it was, collecting e great amount of money from members, hiding in Macdonald’s toilet counting money. And went alone to Unusual office to lug home 130 posters. Pretty crazy uh.

I remembered April 2011, a fabulous time where I had the best project mates in uni. I was really thankful and learned so much from them. It was 1 of the times I felt that I learnt something useful in my course. Even though I still didn’t get an A for that module, but I knew I put in my utmost efforts in it.

I remembered May 2011, where I have much doubt about myself. I went for so many internship interviews, but failed to get an internship opportunity in the end. It was an upsetting time because I wanted to do one during my last school holiday to gain some experience. It was a period of slacking before I finally gave up and found a temporary job in BHG.

I remembered June 2011 when I went to 30 hours Famine Camp for the 1st time. As a facilitator. I made great friends there even though we only bonded for a few days. We got to experience to be in the Dialogue in the Dark in NP as well. Dialogue in the Dark let us experience the daily life of a blind in a specific scenario, guided by a blind guide. I really have to salute the blind, I must say.

I remembered July 2011, the month I turned 23. I decided I wanted a simple birthday this year. And so, I went out with Ivalyn only. Kind of insisted she had to celebrate with me on the actual day. Because I wanted to spend my birthday with an important friend. I did spend my birthday eve with the same old group of friends, having steamboat and singing late night karaoke. Everything was simple, but great.

I remembered August 2011, it was the last semester of my uni life. Which is also the last phase of my education, for now. I told myself I had to cherish this last bit, because it is now or never. I also went for Singapop Concert with my balloted tickets. It was a concert about local music from the past until now. The best part was Kit Chan’s segment, forever touching.

I remembered September 2011 concert - 成名在望. It was a combined concert by 严爵，丁当and Magic Power. The concert’s turnout wasn’t that great, but the concert is definitely worth the ticket. I bought the Cat 2 tickets, but the seats were great and it was in Row 1. 2 of us even had the whole row to ourselves. I totally went high with MP’s high songs, touched by 丁当’s powerful voice and 严爵’s talented performance.

I remembered October 2011 concert as well – Kit Chan’s The Music Room. After hearing her sing at the Singapop concert, I totally could not resist but to buy the tickets to her concert. It was totally impressive, I have to say it was the best concert I went this year. No dance, no fanciful outfits, just pure singing. That was all it takes to be great. It was really an enjoyable concert.

I remembered November 2011 when I won tickets to watch SHA 2011. I can’t say much about the awards part, but I was there for all the great performances put up by the singers. I totally loved 胡夏’s 那些年! Talking about 那些年, the movie 那些年我们一起追的女孩 had be the best movie of the year! I watched it twice, and it was the first time I watched a movie twice. It was then I also went crazy to go buy the book and read it. I even went to the book autograph session. I have to say, I really like the author’s style. He’s not humble, but he’s definitely not proud.

I remembered December 2011, of course. It is ending in less than 2hours. I graduated. I went for a job interview. I landed in my current job. It seems like everything went in a flash. I got my final semester results the day before I started work officially. It sounded crazy uh. I was delighted, because I never dreamt to get an A in my uni life, which I did. It was funny because it was a module I felt totally helpless in it and had totally no clue what I was studying. But oh well… And JJFC gave a special Christmas gift this year – by giving back to the society.

I guessed I really summarized my whole 2011. 2011 is great, and I surely hope 2012 would be better! :D

My worries are short-lived.

2011-12-11T22:32:00.001+08:00

My worries are short-lived.

So are my “Sleep, Eat, Slack” days.

I got the job.

I think I am very contradicting. As much as I want to find a job soon, I wish I do not have to start working so soon. A lot of my friends asked why I didn’t want to rest & enjoy myself for a period of time before I start to look for job. When you have no money, there are limited things you can do actually.

You can’t go on a holiday.
You need to think how much you’re going to spend on transport when you go out.
You need to think how long you can survive with the little amount of savings.

I’m very proud to say I’m not a spoiled child. I do not like to ask my parents for money whenever I go out. I think it is the type of upbringing that I have to thank my parents gave me. If you want to buy something, you have to earn it yourself. I know how much I should spend, and when I should stop splurging.

Even though that is the case, I think I still do not have a very good money concept. I do not know how to bargain, I’ll just pay what the price tag says. If I have enough to spend, I think I don’t need more money. Just like how many people are curious that my degree, especially in my major, it is 1 of the highest paying degree in Singapore, yet I could settle for a job that pays so much lesser. I don’t know. I think the pay is enough for me, for now at least.

I prefer to do something I like, at least for now that I’m young. I do not want to regret in life, to land in some job that pays much higher but makes me unhappy. Maybe I’m naïve. But that is what I want now. Do everything while I am still young.

Life is complicated

2011-12-08T22:43:00.001+08:00

I don’t like graduation.

I wish I can be a student forever. Of course, that is not possible.

I’m totally not looking forward to working life. 9am to 6pm. No naps. No going out after lessons. Go home, dinner, rest a while, sleep, and begin the 9am to 6pm process all over again. Whenever I think of it, I feel that I’m going to lose my freedom. I

But everyone has to grow up. Study so much so that we can get a good job & earn enough money to spend & feed ourselves. feel so torn between wanting to study forever and wanting to step into the workforce. Life is always so complicated!

I really don’t know how I am going to fare in my interview yesterday. I think that I screwed it, as usual. The questions they asked are so specific, I don’t really know the exact answer they want. I thought I’ve spoken & explained enough, but they didn’t seem to know what I was talking about. I think sometimes, we have to tell little lies in interviews in order to score them. But I’m such a lousy liar. My mind works very slowly during interviews too. I tend to think more in Chinese, and then translating them into spoken English. Sometimes I just couldn’t translate it properly. I believe myself to be effectively bilingual, but it always fails me at the most important point.

They asked so specifically what my role as the Assistant Project Director in 1 of my CCA projects does. A few times. I totally failed in answering them. I mean, besides overseeing, I did almost every other minor things. Isn’t that what a APD supposed to do? Guiding the organizing committee on the right track, helping them to achieve KPIs, and almost covering all minor things if someone missed it out. Simply to say, I don’t really have a very specific role, unlike the other cells. Or maybe, I did a lot of things, just that I don’t recall the important things I did. Come to think of it, did I fail in learning in the project then? Because I don’t remember what I did exactly. They asked what I did on the actual day. The only thing I remembered, I was the timer to make sure everything runs smoothly on time and on track. But obviously, I can’t say that during interview. I mean, I can say it in a nicer way, but my mind just got stuck at the wrong time.

I don’t know. I hope I do fare well in the interview. I don’t dare to think about other things. I may be appearing to be happy & smiling in front of others nowadays, but I do have my worries on this issue constantly.

Graduation

2011-11-29T20:15:00.001+08:00

This blog has been abandoned for a long time. But no, it has not been forgotten. It’s just that I’m too lazy/busy to update it. I’m sure nobody reads this blog anymore. But it doesn’t matter. What matters most is my memories kept here. I have not forgotten why this blog was set up in the first place.

This time, I have unofficially graduated from my university life. Finally.

It has been a long way. The love-hate relationship I have in my university life. Even though I may regret entering NUS to study Computing, but I never really regret entering NUS. I don't think I've learnt anything practical in Computing which will suffice my needs when I enter the workforce, but I've learnt much experience from other things I do in university. I think I'll really miss what I have in NUS. Afterall, I spent 3 1/2 years in this rather mad house. In this 3 1/2 years, it makes me realize I do not want to go into the IT-related field in the end. Luckily, I still know what I want to do.

I think I am quite a lucky person I discover what I really want to do after my education. Some of my friends still do not know what they want to do when they graduate. At least I've passed that stage and start aiming where I want to go after graduation.

I want to do something related to community service. I also want to do something to do with event management. With the combination of both, my dream job is to plan events to serve the community. I guess I'm just afraid I won't have time to enjoy volunteering after graduation as much as while I'm in university. Therefore, I think that's the best I get out of both wants.

However, knowing what I want and getting what I want is a totally different thing. I'm very afraid of interviews because I usually don't do well in interviews. I don't know, but I think interviews are not a real representation of me. I don't like and also don't know how to answer "what-if" questions. Solving real-life situation is not what you can think in 3 - 5 minutes. It is just like how some people who ace in interviews, but in actual fact, only their mouths are useful. Some companies ended up employing people who only know how to talk, but do not know how to act. I don't like to talk big or make empty promises. If it cannot be fulfilled in the end, why should the "what-if" question be answered in the first place. That is why after going for so many interviews, I still suck at them.

I guess now the pressure is looking for the suitable job and pass the interviews. And then, I'll move on to the next phase of my life.

Exam is over!

2011-04-30T21:09:00.001+08:00

EXAM IS OVER! YAY!

This is the first time my exams ended so early – 1st week of the exam. How happy! I hope I can enjoy myself during the rest of the exam week! =)

Now that exam is done and over with, and then my facilitator camp interview came back positive… I still have 1 more thing in mind – internship.

I really hope I can get an internship opportunity this holiday! I had went to 2 interviews; 1 was rejected, 1 was still pending(I hope). Then, I was offered another interview this coming Tuesday! I’m really looking forward, yet nervous, for this interview. It’s an internship opportunity to do with event management + VWO! This is really something I want to do, at least while I’m still in school (last semester to go already!). While I wish my 2nd interview result will come positive, I still pray it’ll come later than this upcoming interview. I know I’m greedy, but I don’t want to have accepted the 2nd one when the 3rd one came out positive. How annoying that would be!

What is effort?

2011-03-26T12:29:00.001+08:00

I guess nobody appreciates what others painstakingly built up from scratch. I’m sure everyone thinks the things were there because they are supposed to be there in the 1st place. They have never thought about who built them, they just live with them because they are already there. Have they ever thought about the consequences without them? No. They think they can do without them, because it does not seem to make a difference to them. They have never felt the impact they bring into their lives. In fact, somehow, some of them have become more of a burden to them.

Only those who have experienced those hard times know what everything meant to them. Those who make everything better because they know better what could be worse. These are the people who saw the progress and growth in what they have today. They are really proud of even the tiniest thing that contribute to today’s success. They have seen it, have felt it, have been touched by it. Seeing them is like watching your own kid grow healthy, jumping up and down.

But POOF! One word – everything is destroyed. Whose heart hurts?

Leave the creators to cry their hearts out. Nobody cares.

Capable? Or not?

2011-03-13T21:45:00.001+08:00

What is the definition of capable?

A great leader who leads any team well?
A multi-tasking fellow who can handle so many commitments at once?
A person who holds high positions in every commitment?

I used to think that he is capable. But I don’t really think so now. I am doubtful of his capability in coping with what he has. I don’t really like to take “busy” or “stressed” as reasons. I mean like… how come I become the one who cleans up behind him? And I am the one who keep finding excuses to put in good words for him?

Honestly, I am quite stressed over this matter. When did it happen that I’m responsible for his incapable aspects? It has nothing to do with me. If I have any fault, it would be my fault I didn’t foresee many things & overestimate his capabilities.

支持偶像爱而不疯

2011-03-11T22:59:00.001+08:00

小燕之夜 - 林俊傑

2011-03-10T23:22:00.001+08:00

I watched JJ’s episode of 小燕之夜 last night, then I have some thoughts that ran through my mind.

Never knew that JJ’s brother is such a smart person & also a high flyer at the age of 32. Wow… No wonder he has been JJ’s role model since young. Trying so hard to catch up in every aspect as the younger one must be such a stressful thing to do. Especially when the brother is not average smart, but very smart.

That is not the main point anyway… I wonder if anyone thinks like me. What if JJ was as smart as his brother? His brother had most probably went to RI, and gone on to RJC, since JJ mentioned he went to the best school in Singapore. I have a lot of friends who follow the exact same route as their siblings, 1 by 1. In fact, I used to have a friend who was so stressed because her PSLE could not get her to RGS, which she could only manage to get in through her CCA. So I was thinking, as much as JJ tried to follow his brother’s footsteps, he could not get into RI, and subsequently RJC, that must be very stressful. But think again, if he was really smart enough to even scrape through to get into RJC instead of SAJC, he would most probably not become who he is today. Afterall, SAJC is part of where he discovered his interest in singing, his 1st opportunity to perform in public, etc… RJC might provided such chances for him, but most probably lesser than SAJC. And if he even graduated from RJC, he had probably placed more emphasis on his studies, because there would certainly be peer pressure to go on to pursue university education. I can’t say I totally understand the culture of Singapore JCs, but at least that is what I presume from observing my friends’ culture who went to different JCs.

That’s it. JJ is not the smartest lot that we have (still smart of course). But definitely, he has got great talent in his own ways, most importantly very successful in his career now. And we have our very own distinctive JJ Lin, our Singapore pride! =D

JJ “I AM” 世界巡回演唱会

2011-03-10T16:22:00.001+08:00

Well…

JJ “I AM” 世界巡回演唱会 was FABULOUS!

Hahaha…. I don’t know how to describe it… But this is a few videos I took! You’ll get the feel of how wonderful the concert was. If you miss it, then you just missed a performance of a lifetime!

I like the 3D graphics effects! Very creative! The idea was awesome! Somehow, it’s a surprise, but you’ll expect this kind of effects to come out from JJ! JJ rocks man! Hahaha…

But then, something of a pity is that the music is too deafening! This was especially true during the more “high” songs when the music totally covered his voice! But still, woohoo!!!

I hate it coz my camera memory was full when I was recording “转动"! 1 of my favourite songs of all time & of course during the concert! =) It was like some sort of a milestone song for JJ! Super touching I think!

期待爱–This is the one where he said “JJFC!”, but a lot people didn’t hear him! haha…

Home–Omg… This is really the best “national anthem” of Singapore! =D

她说–Lovely… So nice…

It sucks to feel like this.

2011-03-07T09:43:00.001+08:00

Hold it back.
It is difficult when the pain really sinks in.
But really hold it back.
Accept the bare truth and face the cruel reality.
It’ll be over before you know it.
The emptiness. The unknown anger.
The faith you chose to believe that never came.
You just have to believe that is what you get.

Hold it back & you’ll be strong.

Depicts my feelings indirectly.

2011-02-28T14:26:00.001+08:00

“工作太密集的时候，就变成很多事情不能做到最好。自己有一段时间很暴躁。你自己做得不好，但你又知道自己其实可以更好，但又不知道该怎么做。身体出现问题，你只能去调理它，但也没时间去调理，就只能继续撑，再继续撑，再继续撑。。。”-JJ

I was reading this week’s i-weekly article that features an interview with JJ. This was his reply to why JJ needs a break after his concert. I think it really depicts how I am feeling (refer to previous post). =)

It is true I have a lot of commitments at 1 point of time. I was very temperamental during that period of time. In fact, I cried more so often that I got frustrated that I cried because I was frustrated in the first place. Even though a lot of people told me I have done a good job, but I always felt I could do better, or even think if I could do it another way over again, it would be much better than now.

During that busy period, I kept falling sick as well. I just couldn’t get well because I never get enough rest. It was a vicious cycle when you get frustrated when you’re sick, which lead to me being very hot-tempered than usual.

I think it is the same for me as it is for JJ. I love what I have done/am doing. But at times, it has been too much.

So I guess what I really need is just the same as him. A well-deserved break somewhere, to do something I really want to do. He’s going to get his soon, but when is mine coming, I wonder?

Am I tired of everything?

2011-02-27T21:36:00.001+08:00

I have this sudden feeling of tiredness. Just want to throw everything aside and… do something I really want to do.

I don’t know why I have this feeling suddenly. Pretty mixed up yah?? Perhaps it is because I spent my weekend at home this week. It has been a long time that I have last went out with friends. Yes, I have been going out with friends, but mostly for a purpose. I guess what I want is to get out there to chill with friends, not conveniently going out with them because I need to do something first.

I know I want to do a lot of commitments that I had/have on my own accord. I want to accomplish many things that I haven’t dare to do so previously. It is a sense of pride. In fact, I do enjoy these commitments as much as I can. But I asked myself, did I just do too much that I can take?

To compensate for time loss in committing in what I have on hand, I have self-discipline of not going out on weekends whenever I can to make up for my studies. I need to have a rest after a whole week as well. But then, I feel lost.

I want to get out of the house with friends whom I really miss. Where are all the jokes and laughter I used to hear? You know… When I thought of this, the first person that comes to my mind is Alicia. Yes… Alicia… She laughs super loudly in public and sometimes it is so embarrassing. But yes, I missed her laughter seriously. I missed how lame we can get, how idiot we are, etc.

How I wish I can throw this feeling away. I want to be strong & cope with everything I have.

Long time no see! =P

2011-02-20T21:12:00.001+08:00

It’s recess week!

I bet nobody comes here anymore. Afterall, how long I have abandoned this blog! Just lazy/busy to update it even though so many events and activities happened during this long period of missing in action on this blog.

Well… Let’s see… It’s… almost 3 months plus I haven’t been here! Haha…

As I said, it’s recess week! But still! There’s so much things to do! Projects, doctor appointment, work, interviews, etc etc.. It’s kind of endless I guess??

However, I guessed I’ve learnt a lot during this period of time! People seem to ask, how do you manage with all the stuff you have on hand? I don’t really know, I guess it’s just really learning about time management! 24 hours is fair to everyone, it’s just how we use it. I used to idle the same amount of time away, be it sleeping or staring right in front of the computer. However, with so much commitments on hand, I really made myself become more self-disciplined, making sure I finish the tasks I need to do.

Never mind if people do not believe you can do it, you have to show it to them, prove it to them they are wrong. I have done it! =D

During this 3 months, I have to admit, I didn’t have much time for many things. I coped with so many commitments, learnt to work with many different people. To be honest, I am amazed by my ability with managing at least 4 commitments at 1 go. I thought I would have forgo 1 for the other, but I’m glad I didn’t really done so.

And then, I thought I could manage in leading. But maybe I was wrong. Rather, I feel more comfortable being an assistant afterall. I don’t know how well I led, but I don’t really like it if I had a choice. Hmm…

Still, I have to say, much tears have been dropped during the recent period of time. Come to think back of it, I don’t know if it was silly at all. I cried at least once almost every week. It was a rollercoaster of emotions, seriously. I almost wanted to give up halfway. Luckily, I hung on until the end. However, the ending wasn’t quite pleasant in my opinion. Sometimes I will wonder if I could have done it better in a different way, how much I could have changed the situation. Is it worth the change? Do I have too much expectations that I disappoint myself so much?

Nevertheless, I only know 1 thing. I never thought I would hate someone so much after this. Yes, I’ve hated people before, but I don’t bear grudges after some time. But this time, I just feel that this feeling won’t go away. Whenever I see her, I just feel like walking away. I won’t forgive her for the damages she has done.

Anyway, on a happier note! I’m really glad everything is over. 1 good thing about her is, at least she made me feel appreciative about the people around me! Nobody could be worse than her! Oops!

Best & worst memories! I guess I have both! So I should be satisfied with what I have! =D

So cool!

2010-10-28T23:05:00.001+08:00

Omg… This is so cool! I’m using Windows Live Writer to blog this short post. I can just edit and post without logging into blogger directly.

Editting becomes so much easier leh.. I can directly preview what my post looks like as I type, instead of editting and publishing, editting and publishing… Quite irritating sometimes..

I think with this, I’ll blog more often when I have the time already since it’s so convenient. =D

But meanwhile…. I’m quite busy at the moment until exams.. =((

2010-08-19T22:13:00.001+08:00

I have officially taken up the role of VM assistant in GAW VIII.

It was considered a last minute decision, but it was definitely not a rushed or un-thought decision.

After some several explanations about my other commitments and related stuff, I would like to thank the relevant people who decide to believe in me, especially wing. I know they are just concerned if I could cope with juggling with so many commitments at one go. I really appreciate it very much. Since I have accepted the role, I will give my very best until the end. I don't like give people promises that will be broken in the end.

Regarding my commitments, I have really give a deep thought before taking any 1 of them up.

For JJFC, it is about taking up a leadership role of working with 3 lovely helpers. To me, taking up the role of a committee member is just a change in role name, nothing else. I have been doing this since more than 1 year back. I will still be doing the exact same thing as before, just with a new name of a "leader". In fact, I'm very proud of my 3 helpers, because they lighten my workload a lot. I had to do so much with just Ivalyn helping me alone, and Ivalyn was still learning during that period of time. My current task is more of overseeing & answering their doubts when they need me. I could let go & let them do what they are supposed to do. Sometimes I feel bad about being so strict with them. But I guess that is how we have got such a great team! =)

For T.H.E.S, I will be taking up the new role of secretary. Some people may think of it as a "demotion". Afterall, I was the vice-chairperson. However, I don't see it that way at all. It is just a change of in the role I am going to play. In fact, I do not even think of it as a commitment. Over the past year, T.H.E.S truly becomes my passion. Regardless if I am the vice-chairperson, secretary, or just a normal volunteer, I still belong to the big family. If they say they need me, I'll try my best to be there for them. It is not a chore, but something I want to do myself. I can give up on other commitments, but not T.H.E.S. Therefore, before I accepted the VM role in GAW, I think my only request is , as long as it doesn't clash with T.H.E.S, I will give it a serious thought.

For everything, I'm really thankful to have a boss like Jack. I guess I am really very lucky to find such a rare flexible boss who gives me the freedom to be the busy student for who I am. I can be very honest with him with my commitments as my reasons for missing work. That is one of the greatest support that I could get to go ahead with my non-academic commitments without worries. He definitely deserves a better employee than me, but he never gives up on me. For the same reason, even though many people think my job is low-paying, I still continue to stick with my job. It is not about the money, it is about the people you are working for.

2010-08-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

I guessed falling sick for the 2nd time after school re-opens sent me on the rollercoaster of emotions.

I did my portion of Outreach duty for T.H.E.S yesterday. I was rather upset about someone's actions yesterday though. I don't even know if I have the right to be upset with him, because I knew he most probably don't mean it. For those who know who I was talking about, just keep it to yourself. For those who doesn't know, please do not ask. It is just a ranting on my personal space.

First, it was him going around telling people we both know that I made him come back to school just for this on his free day. I guessed if I wasn't feeling unwell, I wouldn't mind at all. He was most probably kidding, but I did not feel really good about it. I mean, I did joke with and suan him about other stuff during this period, like we usually do. But I guessed my sickness just made me more particular about this matter. For 1 thing, it was my free day too, and I came back despite I was already feeling unwell. I didn't mean to complain, because I did it willingly, because I wanted everything to go well. For another thing, I really didn't know it was his free day until he told me. I merely requested if he could be there because there was really nobody who was available. And it was K's free day too, which K told me, so I told him it is ok then. I really didn't know if I should feel guilty as if I forced him to come back, seriously.

The next thing is... I guessed I could not explain myself either. Someone he knew came & chatted with him, and they touched on a topic that passed quite some time back which the person didn't know. To me, I think it was a sensitive topic on my own part, so I didn't say anything. I guessed what he didn't realize is, people smile not only because they think something is funny or they wanted to gloat over something. I smiled because I just felt awkward at the point of time. I didn't think the topic was funny in any sense, like what he thought. I may be a person who jokes and laugh about things a lot, but I would not think this kind of thing is funny or what.

Oh wells...

Falling sick...

2010-08-12T23:31:00.004+08:00

It has been a long time since I last cried over school/work stuff.

Am I giving myself too much stress?
Am I taking up too much commitments that I should not?
Am I expecting too much of myself?

I have no idea.

Falling sick isn't according to my plans, and it just screwed up many of the things I have to do. I was really upset I could not commit to many things at the last minute just because I am sick. Even though I know nobody will blame me for showing them up last minute because I am sick, but I feel that I need to get them done myself. I want to be there, badly. I became rather pissed off with myself for falling sick. There are too many things waiting for me to do, but just as many things are not going accordingly to plans. I totally hate it.

And that, was the last straw.

I totally broke down.

I didn't expect it.

I desperately didn't want it to start that way.

Why aren't things going according to plans?

I hate it.

And then...

Someone's mere words turned my tears into laughter.

I will not state who he is. But he really made me smile.

When I saw what he wrote, I really ponder.

His words came at the right time.

They shall stay.

I will make it right. =)

2010-08-10T21:36:00.002+08:00

School started today...

Guess what??

I fell sick.

It's so crazy. I swear I will never take bus 95 for convenience's sake even though my ST2334 lectures, which is my 1st lecture on Tuesdays & Fridays, are at Science. It took me 3 buses 95 before I got to board it. With the horribly aching body of mine. And the girl behind me was so inconsiderate this morning. She squeezed in the teeny space behind me while I was still moving in. As a result, she didn't even notice her bag was nudging my back all the time which I had to balance hard to stand properly in the bus.

After my 1st lecture, I went to UHC for consultation. Consultation was quick though. I wonder why doctors earn so much now. I told her my symptoms, she prescribed medicine accordingly. I think the pharmacy could have done the job? Whatever... I just hope it was not the case I'm thinking of.. Bbaahh...

There is so much things to do/commit this week! I hope I can survive with this aching body of mine. Yucks...

My "LONG LOST LOVE"!

2010-08-03T00:44:00.003+08:00

My "LONG LOST LOVE"!

Haha... Ok, I mean it has been a very long time since he last came back/released a new song.. Now the guilt is settling in for 劈腿-ing just yesterday after listening to Rynn's new song on the radio. Boo...

"林宇中揪心摯愛主打【路過的新娘】生命不會白活感謝每個深愛的路過的你
答應我，你一定要幸福，我才能放心的把你忘記......
路過的新娘不會和我一起走向教堂，但我們都會努力開始下一次幸福的出發"

嚴爵。Yen-j。

2010-07-31T18:54:00.003+08:00

Temptation. And addiction.

嚴爵。Yen-j。

http://yenj234.pixnet.net/blog

Recently, I have fallen in love with the music of this new singer! 谢谢你的美好、我喜欢,(不我爱)… Y.E.S. 93.3 has been playing these 2 songs of his on the radio frequently, and it has been a long time since I last heard of a soothing voice like this. When I first heard of his name & the song我喜欢,(不我爱), I found both really familiar, but could not recall where I heard them before. Then, I re-watched my series of偷心大圣PS男制作特辑, which dawned on me I first see him in 1 of them! He was the guy who acted as Blue’s hands when playing the piano. And我喜欢,(不我爱) is the exact song that Blue “sang” to 白歆惠 in the party!

Can you believe he is 22 years old this year? Same as me! A thought suddenly runs across my mind. It used to idolizing singers who are older than us. Now I guess we have all reached the age where many new singers popping out are younger than us. This is especially true when it comes to kpop or jpop. Luckily, 嚴爵 is still older than me by 3 months. I was laughing at Anna, who has to call him 小弟弟! I cannot imagine idolizing someone younger than me, at least not now…

And guess what? I had this really stupid deal with Anna, agreeing that if his album costs below $20, we will both buy his album. It all begins with when we are going for our addictive fishing game again, and Anna suggested Sunday at Bugis. The date sticks to my mind as I heard from the radio that his autograph session is this exact day and location. We tempted each other to go see him, and ended up tempting each other to buy his album. So I went to Popular to check out the album’s price after work. I feel so paiseh because I walked in without knowing what the album name is. The worse thing is, I couldn’t find his album, after which I asked the staff who found the last one available for me from the shelf. I didn’t buy it anyway, because it has a crack on the casing. What a loser I am! Haha…

I know I’m heading for a no-return route man! This is how I got started with chasing Rynn too! I hope the same thing will not happen! Aahh… This sounds bad to me already. Haha… I’m totally mesmerized by guys who can sing & play the piano well. They are really talented! 而且会弹琴的男生是帅的咯。。。

So much for saving up! Buying album & fishing! There goes my “retirement” savings plan which I am supposed to heed advice for…

INSIGNIFICANT HUMAN BEING

2010-07-30T22:03:00.000+08:00

I must be the most forgotten person in the month of July.

Margaret forgot about me during C.A.N. Collect.

Jack forgot about me during work 2 days before my birthday.

Alicia overslept at the time she was supposed to meet me last Sunday.

Project C.A.N. missed out our names for C.A.N. Distribute.

Hence... For the 1st time, I'm really an...

INSIGNIFICANT HUMAN BEING

I hope I didn't forget other people who forget about me. =D

Random stuff

2010-07-28T07:09:00.002+08:00

Finally there is something that Jack does not sound so convincing about - He was once an NUS Computing student(for a semester or so).

He kept us laughing away for the multiple attempts he tried so hard to make us believe he had really been schooling in NUS before. Seriously... We ended up having a little "bet" that if I really cannot find his name, he will treat us. I honestly have much confidence I'll get my free "lunch". 谁说世界上没有免费的午餐??

Matric fair this year is more about... packing up.. No kidding, I was assigned the last slot on duty. By the time I got there, there wasn't much people, or much to do. We were the first to start packing, and 1 of the last to finish packing.

CORS bidding was nothing to worry about. 1000 points for each module. So I've got my IS3102, IS3223, and ST2334. So I guess I have to wait for my SS module to bid for. Timetable looks really slack, but I think IS3102 is going to be a killer. 1st lecture is on 5 august?? That is crazy enough to start with.. I sound really slack! I just realized I'm not taking any level 4 module this semester! Madness! Argh! Thanks to SOC for making IS3223 from a level 4 module to level 3 module. There goes my UE modular credits. I need to fulfill my number of level 4 modules. Help!

Reflections on the 21st year of my life as I turn 22.

2010-07-24T00:00:00.002+08:00

Reflections on the 21st year of my life as I turn 22.

I have learnt a very important thing in life throughout this significant year. Contentment is happiness. Life is always unfair, but how we look at things in life affects the way we are. I feel that I think much positively than I did in the past.

In fact, I feel blessed.

Throughout this year, I think I am very fortunate to have met/known these people. I am really thankful that they appear in my life. I don’t express myself well in person, but I’m really appreciative deep in my heart.

Jack. Time really flies. I have been working for him for a year. The longest job I have been holding on to. I forgot when I exactly started, but I remembered it was just a week before my birthday. Seriously, I always wonder how he can stand a slack employee like me. Ok, not exactly. It is just that I’m not performing well at all with the kind of job I’m doing. He is really a nice guy! I always love to say I am the “boss” who gets to choose whenever I want to work. I know I always take advantage of his flexibility, but I am really thankful for it and how he can fully understand from a student’s point of view. I remembered once I told him I could not make it last minute because of CCA stuff. He actually told me it was ok as school work is more important. I was really touched; especially that was how I was kind of dismissed from my previous job in school. I think the times he said no to me were when he said “No problem.” Just recently, he was really nice to spend his precious time to provide free advice for 1 of my close friends, and went an extra mile to do her a favor, everything done without asking anything in return at all. From him, I learnt how to differentiate between persistent and convincing. Not all financial consultants are irritating and persistent. He is one good example. I may not be the best employee he deserves to get, but he is definitely the most wonderful boss I have met so far.

Margaret. I must be the luckiest vice chairperson on earth to be able to work with her. Being the chairperson, she respects my opinions for many decisions that we have to make together. Unlike some leaders who like to draw a clear line in between, she does not give me the feeling that I lead THES under her, but I lead THES with her. I always find the chemistry between us amazing. She is a chairperson who is really blur, forgetful and makes mistakes like anyone else, I am exactly not the world’s most patient vice chairperson who can stand the silly mistakes she makes like the rest, but I can never get angry with her. These few flaws of hers are what I make up for, and things I dislike doing is what she makes up for. I always like to say she is made out to do the big and important things in THES while I am made out to do small things and pay attention to teeny details. Accommodating and understanding is really important. Despite her flaws, she makes up for them with her responsibility and selflessness. When it comes to rewards, “we” is what she says. When it comes to mistakes, “I” is what she declares. The reason I can never get angry with her is because I know this is her. There isn’t a need to change her flaws, because she has more than enough good points to make up for them. I really learnt a lot from her. From T.H.E.S to CSC Day, I really enjoy working with such a capable leader who is rare to find.

T.H.E.S. I really feel fortunate to have so many excellent volunteers during this academic year that I am running as the vice chairperson. I remembered the previous year when I was a freshie, volunteers started disappearing slowly. Even the chairperson went MIA, and so was most of the committee towards the end. And I used to skip several visits because I did not really feel a sense of belonging to it. Now, it is rare to see less than 10 volunteers each visit. A few volunteers told me before that Margaret & I have been doing a great job leading it. However, I differ to agree totally. I just feel that we are lucky enough to have such dedicated volunteers to make our jobs done easier. Without their self-willingness to stay on, we are helpless on our own. We have a great committee of 8 who are there most of the time, lightening our workload of administrative stuff. The rest of the volunteers are just as fun-loving and passionate towards helping the elderly. Now that it is almost time to step down from my role, I have much confidence about the two new leaders who are going to take over. It is really difficult to decide who to choose because everyone is really great. I wish them good luck in continuing to lead T.H.E.S. with more passionate freshies to come in the next academic year. Of course, I will still be there for them as an advisor whenever they need as this is the place I belong. =)

Janice, Joey. I can’t decide whether to write about them together with the two below because I know them at the same time. After some thought, I guess I shall write them in pairs. These two are the new addition to the Website team helpers. It is really great to have both of them around! I am great that the Website team is no longer Ivalyn & I alone anymore. With their help, they really lighten our workload a lot. I am really glad that both of them agree to help out and make Website team a more cheerful place to be in than before. I always believe a team in working towards the same objective is the place where team spirit truly exists and keep arguments to the minimal. None of us have selfish thoughts about having to gain benefits by being in the Website team, unlike how some people do. I am happy to know that I am not wrong about taking both of them in to help me. We will continue to strive in working towards the common goal we share to make Website team a wonderful one! One thing I never get to figure out is, did JJ just happen to have more media exposure in the recent year? Or did Janice make something to happen that Website team is overwhelming with more workload than we can handle before that? Haha…

Julie, Edelyn. The 2 wonderful teachers-to-be! Though I do not know them for very long, but they are really great friends one can have. I have no idea what to write about them, but I just know I am lucky to have them as my friends. Sometimes, it is not how much you can praise about your friends, but how the comfortable feeling is always there whenever we hang out. They are selfless when it comes to JJ matters, unlike some JJ fans I have met so far.

Wing. The machoboy whom I know through E6. I am really glad to know she will be there most of the time whenever I need her. Although we do not really meet up after the camp, but I can tell her almost anything online. Initially, I thought she might change after bidding farewell to singlehood like many friends who I know do. I was wrong. She remains the same as who she is. I really love her as a close friend, someone who I can share my secrets with safely. Thanks for being there for me!

Birthday Wish: Purple PowerShot SX210 IS.

2010-07-10T23:35:00.002+08:00

MY BIRTHDAY WISH!

I have been looking at cameras whenever I flipped newspaper at work to find a camera with functions that I really wish for yet affordable. Some are really tempting with the prices & specifications. I wanted something along the line of more zooms than my current camera, but does not need to be that professional, because I most probably don't know how to use those functions anyway.

When I met up with Anna for dinner last night, I saw this babe & immediately fall in love with it! I saw the pink-that-look-a-lil-like-purple version(as shown in the 2nd pic) & held it, it is light-weighted. It fits my requirements! And when I reached home to search for more information, I saw the actual purple one! SO CHIO! Totally irresistable!

However, I feel sinful! It is not that I can't afford it because I'm earning enough to pay for it this month anyway. But! I already have a usable camera! And I feel like I'm splurging my money away just because I'm richer this 2 months. My devil voice keeps telling me to buy it. On the contrary, my angel voice tells me not to spend so much on this "want" unnecessarily.

I think it's my most wonderful boss's influence! His lesson gets stuck in my mind so well about saving that is making me guilty! Argh! Now I wonder if that is a good or bad influence!

So so!!! I'm getting my lovely friends to pool in my Birthday Wish Fund so I will not feel guilty to buy it! Hahaha... I've already got around 5 people who wants to sponsor me for it! All of them think they rather fund me to get something that I really want instead of buying something that they are unsure of.

Who else wishes to fund me?? Please contact me! Hahaha!!!

Spain won! What's next?

2010-07-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

Spain won.

What’s next?

As Paul correctly predicted the match results, I am as accurate as him too. Haha…

No, I didn’t predict the match result, I predict a person’s behavior. When I received the sms, my mind just went, “There! I told you! I knew it!” It was damn hilarious! For those who know what I am talking about, Shh… Hahaha!!!

Anyway, I had the nicest nap ever these 2 afternoons. Wee~~

I don’t like my morning work at all. I’m very certain. Everything is spoiled by a certain person. There is bound to be something nonsense coming up every single day.

Yesterday was an exception. It was a really wonderful day. Totally peaceful! And it was because she was not around. I swear the office was really quiet without her. I got my job done without any interference. In fact, I completed all my tasks within 2 hours, and had 2 hours to spare. I was in a good mood for sure. How I wish every day would be the same, working in peace.

But then, it was back to the usual this morning. Once I stepped into the office, I heard her voice. I really wonder how someone can talk so much early in the morning! Doesn’t she get tired? I get tired listening to her voice constantly. Oh, she didn’t finish my work for me today. Surprised? No, there was a catch to it. How irresponsible of her despite being so nosy. Whatever! There was nothing to be scared of. I wonder why she is afraid to put her name down. And I saw how selfish she was. What is the purpose of keeping all those so-called “nicer” magazine when other people need it? The new ones are coming in sooner or later! I think she wants to bring them to her coffin man. What a joke!

Anyway, my Firefox keep hanging my laptop last night. In the end, I had to re-install it again. Now I made it nicer. It keeps me addicted to going to the internet! Haha…

2010-07-03T20:45:00.001+08:00

I survived that horribly exhausting week! Towards the end, I totally looked forward to going back to work in Newton!

Moreover, it was quite terrible because I kept making silly mistakes that are so brainless at the end of the whole gown collection. I was totally sleep-deprived like mad! So much that I needed, it took me the courage to ask for another afternoon off from my world’s nicest boss to replenish the sleep I required! Of course, as the world’s most brilliant boss you can ever have, my wish was granted! I was glad I asked for it, because I was totally refreshed after that. Can you imagine I overslept twice that day?? Once on the west-bound train to Jurong East when going to work in the morning, and another on the east-bound train to Pasir Ris when going back home to catch my nap.

Anyway, gown collection was nevertheless fun like last year! The only difference was, I did a lot of packing this year instead of attending alumni. Packing was a really awesome brainless job for me! By the time I ended my morning shift in e office, my brain would be half-dead. I could keep my hands moving non-stop, but my brain practically felt exhausted. Luckily, nobody complained I was doing the “easier” job. I guess which job scope is easier is totally subjective. I wonder if any other student helpers there preferred to do serving alumni or packing. I prefer the latter, of course. I hope they didn’t mind at all. Oops! And I think I love gown collection because of the working environment. Perhaps the workers there are mostly students, and we had no stress over unnecessary issues.

Of course, it would really bad to work long-term, from waking up at 6.30am, and getting back home at around 10.30pm. Dinner became supper, or I don’t know what. I will prefer my bread-on-the-go-for-lunch + long-bus-rides-to-work-and-back-home work schedule anytime! At least I got to catch a wink on the long bus rides.

I asked a question on Twitter previously. The question is, would one prefer to working in a place where you like your job scope but not the people there? Or you prefer the people there but not the job scope? Now I have got a definite answer. I prefer the latter.

I really cannot stand it & got quite pissed off on certain days last week. There are certain things I don’t really mind, like being nagged at. You’ll be quite surprised that I’m really patient over naggy people. What I really cannot stand is people doing my part of work for me (which are obviously easier?) & asked me to do their work for them! And that is not everything! It is fine to ask me do the manual work of unpacking for her. The last straw was rearranging everything I unpacked all over again! What is the point of asking me to help then? Moreover, I did the right things by following the instructions she gave me to arrange where things should be. It totally makes me feel stupid as if I can’t get anything right at work. I swear I am working fine.

And obviously, I really feel irritated to have my job done for me. You may think I should be happy that I do not have to do it myself. But think again, I’m totally not thankful for that. Since that job scope involves me forwarding emails to the relevant people, she is not being helpful at all. I am not stupid or ignorant. She was on leave when that SC CC boo-boo incident happened, so she did not know the complete actions that were taken. I was already informed informally to forward emails related to that incident to higher ranked personnel instead of the usual personnel. However, thanks to her “kindness” of doing my work for me, she forwarded that email to the usual personnel, and 自作主张 to our manager. Not knowing I was not the one who stupidly forwarded the email to the wrong person, our manager replied back addressing me to forward to that higher ranked personnel in future. I am not angry with my manager, because she also thought I was the only one handling the account.

The best thing is, she didn’t even tell me that there have been emails addressed to me, and continued doing the follow-up procedures on my behalf for some. I only found out when I was doing the monthly report because the emails are being categorized already. That was only discovered partially. I discovered the other half when I was doing 1 of the remaining follow-up procedures she did not manage to reach. When I read it, I was totally clueless what was going on. I had to spend a longer time to go through which authorities that email had gone to & where it originated from. Isn’t it more troublesome for me?

Of course there are some other things I’m unhappy about with her. But I shall not elaborate. I hope she will not pester me this coming week.

In contrast, I find my other working place a pleasure even though I do not really like the job scope. The people there are cheerful and friendly. Perhaps it is in the “genes” of their industry, I don’t know. But they don’t 明争暗斗 at all. They just have frequent open friendly competitions over their work results, and both winners and losers are really gracious no matter how the outcome turns out to be. You can feel the genuine feeling they give you. Not fake at all.

第２１屆金曲獎林俊傑演唱

2010-06-28T01:52:00.002+08:00

This is an extremely impressive performance. This is JJ.

Tired!

2010-06-21T19:42:00.000+08:00

I AM EXHAUSTED!

I know that I would have an extremely hectic week ahead, and Monday would most probably be the slackest. But I guess I’m wrong! Haha…

Due to the SC CC boo-boo incident, we had ourselves busy like crazy today. Folding the letters, franking the envelopes, slotting into and sealing the envelope. You may think it’s so easy. But imagine doing it manually for 4 thousands of them! I think they will be more tomorrow. MADNESS! Okay, I should not complain too much, because I volunteered to help M. on my own accord after finishing my work. Haha…

Seriously, who expects a simple complaint to the ST Forum would lead to becoming a havoc case, resulting in us fussing over the matter. Many people in other forums were giving this person who created the problem for us bad comments & think he made a big fuss out of nothing. A few of the management became stressed as they have to be held responsible & follow up on the matter after the letters are sent out.

Oh well, I hope similar things will not happen in the other department, because I know it was a terrible experience. Imagine someone else had to repeat it all over again. I know the torture!

Smiles

2010-06-20T13:51:00.001+08:00

If you asked me whether I’m disappointed once again, I frankly have to say I’m not really affected by it. If I am, in any way, affected, I think the only thing is that I disappointed Wing with such a result.

I believe that when one door closes to my chance, another door for hope will be open for me somewhere. It is just that I have not found the key to open it yet. =D

I suppose I take it as a hint that I am not ready to take up a new commitment together with the coming 8-MC module I need to take. Even though I’m not greedy, but I really hope to hit at least third lower honours when I graduate in 3 semesters’ time. I know it might be a lil tad tough, but I want to believe I can do it.

I hope I’m not being too optismistic! I am satisfied with what I have in life right now! Anything more will be too much to ask for, seriously! Smile! =D

A great week!

2010-06-20T01:19:00.000+08:00

This week has been great for me! =D

Things have been going smoothly as I prayed for them to be & many good incidents happened on the way that I have never expected at all. I am a happy girl!

That day in J’s office together with F. All I can say is, it was a wonderful learning point for me. I think I learnt so much after stepping out of his office that day. Brilliant! I seriously suspect J can read my mind, and does it really well. He knew my doubts inside out without having me to say anything. Oh gosh! I never knew he observed so much, because he didn’t say anything much usually. They weren’t bad comments though. It shows that he is an easygoing man. Furthermore, he was not pushy at all & I was given a choice to consider. I knew my decision was not the answer he wanted, but he was totally cool about it & respected my decision. Totally different from M who was quite persistent.

Oh yes! I won a pair of tickets to Marina Bay Sands opening concert from YES 93.3! JJ will be there to perform! Somehow, it was kind of fated for me. I only began to listen to YES 93.3 in the morning again the week before because I needed peace at work. When I turned on the radio on Monday, the first thing I heard was JJ’s name being read out in the middle of a song. As I wasn’t working in the afternoon that day, as usual, I went home to search YES 93.3 website to check if there is information about the timeslot(s) that is/are giving out tickets as well besides the morning show. I was lucky to find out that they were giving out a pair of tickets each to the 1st 5 listeners who mailed in our particulars to its email. And yes, so I was the 1st 5. =D I wanted so much to ask Ms Ivalyn along! She has been saying she wanted to date me out for nuts! But sadly, she wasn’t able to make it. In the end, I asked Ms Carol along who finally gave me a positive answer on her approved leave on Friday. Yay! We’re going to see JJ!

And to those unreasonable people, I hope you will stop being jealous about me or others winning the tickets. I do not see why I should share details about how to win the tickets when I don’t even know you. Moreover, we won them in our own rightful ways. Neither do I expect you to tell me how to win some other tickets if you do not know me. Like hello, there is no free lunch in the world. If you do not put in efforts to find them yourselves, then don’t blame others. The world is unfair, mind you!

I believe things get better when you believe they will get better by the day. It happens to me! =D

I love THES! =D

2010-06-19T21:07:00.001+08:00

Learnt something new from the new volunteer today. =D

In fact, I feel that today’s visit was great & slightly different despite the “low” volunteer count. I was with the canto group, and it was a new experience for the new volunteer and his girlfriend for once. I could see that they enjoyed the dialect crash course we had with the 2 elderly we visited even though they feared for the idea of joining a dialect group they didn’t know how to speak. We had fun. And perhaps stoning when we didn’t understand some portions. Haha…

Mdm Chua was happy to see us! I was sure she was looking forward to us helping her “frame” up her certificate that she got from work during her past employment. She was so proud of it. Luckily I didn’t disappoint her. I totally forgot about it until last night when it was too late to buy a clear plastic folder. Now I really think neighbourhoods are great because they have everything! After some persuasion, she convinced us to let her treat us to drinks at the nearby coffeeshop. It was a new setting to be experienced, talking over drinks and coffee. I like the idea, but not too often I guess! Haha… However, she kept nagging to treat us to lunch which we refused totally. Even though food are cheap in that area, but we were there for volunteer work after all, so it wasn’t nice to let our elderly treat us.

After the visit, most of us went for lunch together. It was great to hang out together for interaction over lunch, a time to cherish with all volunteers. C.H. gave us a shock when we asked for bill. We were joking about asking him to treat, like always, and he had really paid in advance! In the end, B.Y. chased him for some distance trying to pay him back, but he refused. Thanks! We already had ideas what we’re going to do with the money pooled! Haha…

Anyway, yes, today’s volunteer count was considered low as compared to the usual number. This year. I am not complaining. I would just like to say, I really appreciate every single volunteer, even if they appeared for only once. I have never taken for granted the statistics of our volunteer count each visit. In fact, I feel much fortunate and blessed for everything to go smoothly in my year of running as the vice. As compared to the previous year when I was a freshie, we really had much more volunteers this year. If we really have to look back, I totally have to appreciate any number of volunteers we have today, be it today or the past few weeks. Of course, I still hope our volunteers would stay on in the next academic year to give support for the new batch of committee as well. No, we have not chosen. Haha… The time will soon come.

If anyone has the heart to continue, they will stay on. I always believe there is no point in making volunteers to stay if they cannot commit themselves to it. What matters most is the passion that lives in us.

Disgrace in Singaporeans

2010-06-15T22:45:00.001+08:00

An incident that I saw on the bus on my way home today.

It is seriously a disgrace to Singaporeans!

Even though many of us may hate China people to be here in Singapore for various reasons, but I feel that we should be reasonable about it. Some China students I see in my course are really selfish, but I always know not to streotype all of them because there are nice ones out there. It really sucks to see Singaporeans openly criticize China people with such dismay.

The incident happened during peak hours when the bus was really crowded. When I turn around for more space, the action began with Singaporean & China sitting down side by side. Singaporean told China not to lean on him with a pissed off face. With a puzzled look, China tried to explain that it was a bus, but he was cut off by Singaporean rudely. I knew what China was going to say, but he never had the chance. Everyone knows it is unavoidable to knock or "lean" on the person next to you when the bus is moving. Therefore, I felt that China was reasonable. But Singaporean wasn't very happy as he felt that sitting in a bus is not an excuse to lean on him & asked China to look at the rest of us standing. I was right in front of them, keeping quiet. Singaporean continued scolding in a raised voice. Then China could not take it & asked what was his problem. And this was raised back by Singaporean. China really could not stand him & stood up, yet he made a wrong move. He mumbled a loud "Stupid ass". Seriously, if it was me, I would curse under my breath for such unreasonable treatment too, so I don't blame him at all. All Singaporean did was, "You're in my country now! If you're not happy! Get back to your country!"

Don't you think it was a disgrace to Singaporeans? Country should not be our excuse! How patriotic can you be when you insult others blatantly? I love Singapore, but I have to admit we don't have the most beautiful country in the world. We have to thank this kind of rude Singaporeans to show others the ugly side of us. Intolerable.

2010-06-07T22:15:00.001+08:00

I went PAH yesterday with T.H.E.S people! It's Putty-a-Home for me! Haha...

Okay, why do I say that? I barely did painting for the whole day!

My group consisted of T.H.E.S peeps & 3 other NUS people. We were supposed to paint this small-area with 2 doors near the main entrance, and the staircase area behind 1 of the doors. Before painting, we laid out newspaper on the floor and wrapped everything that was not to be painted with masking tape and newspaper. As the area outside was quite small for all of us, some of us decided to start with the staircase area. So I was 1 of them who went under the staircase to start work. We had to scrape off any peeling old paint before we can start filling any cracks with wall putty. Pei Jie happily scraped off the whole big piece of wall right under the stairs because a big area was peeling off. Then our group leader told us that we did not have to scrape off those we really could not scrape off, because we had to putty the whole wall as cement cannot be painted over! So in the end, instead of filling cracks, we puttied the whole piece of wall there! If you think wall putty-ing is easy, think again... I spent almost the whole day just putty-ing that wall, waiting for it to dry, filling up cracks that were not puttied the first round, re-putty-ing areas which the wall putty would not stay. In addition, there was this small area where a thick slab of cement + paint fell off, so we had to putty up the big hole! There were a lot of people taking turns to putty, but I was the one who stayed there most of the time. There was a point of time I went to paint, but I realized I CMI with height! It was more tiring painting with rollers attached to poles at high area than puttying the wall. Therefore, I gave up! Haha...

Interaction time was bad! We were supposed to play treasure hunt with the elderly so we would get the chance to interact with them. But the process was so confusing & I didn't enjoy it at all. I guess they overlooked the fact that the beneficiaries are elderly and some elderly were more reluctant to move, so it would take a longer time for us to invite them to participate in the games. To think they actually conducted a game that required speed. Imagine we had to play it in groups somemore! The elderly I interacted with kept asking me where we are going when we were trying to gather them in a group, and yet I could not give her an exact answer at all! By the time our group was formed, another group had already won! But we hadn't got started!!! Oh well...

Anyway, I nearly died of embarrassment during cleaning up. Boon Peng and I was clearing and unwrapping the newspaper. Someone was so smart to "masking taped" the CCTV cables! And it was really nicely wrapped! But the poor me who had to do the unwrapping had the most "enjoyable" time doing it! It was so difficult to remove the masking tapes as they were all stuck in a tangle that Boon Peng helped me borrow a pair of scissors to cut off some parts of the tapes. I felt like dismantling a bomb all the time! There were 2 cables connected to the CCTV which led to 1 socket point, so that person twined the 2 cables together. I was like tugging gently and cutting with care just in case I tugged off or cut off the cables by sheer force! After struggling with it for some time, even the home management people came out of the office! From what the guy who came out to look said to the lady still in the office, I guessed they were thinking who was messing with the CCTV because the CCTV tilted to different angles every few seconds while I was trying my best to remove the masking tape.

Nevertheless, the experience was great even though it was super tiring. I only felt the soreness at my back after the whole programme. Luckily, I got home in less than 10 minutes! Haha...

2010-06-05T22:04:00.001+08:00

I wonder if I should set some goals/expectations for myself. If I do, I will have a target for myself to aim to achieve. If I don't, I feel like a slacker with nothing to expect in life. I do wish I have some goals/expectation for myself so I have a right direction to follow. But yet, I'm somehow afraid.

For quite some time already, whenever I aim to achieve something I want, undesired results happen and I will feel totally disappointed. These expectations are not unattainable and reasonable to be set for. Furthermore, I worked hard for them. However, result are always unexpected in the end. It makes me wonder why things turn in the wrong way. Whereas, whenever I let things be as they are and stop expecting some similar result to happen, the results are unexpected too, just that they're in the good way. When I totally do not expect something at all, I get pleasant surprises all the time. Does it mean I should live my life as it is and stop setting goals/expectations for myself? But I always thought humans should plan goals/expectations ahead in life? I'm confused. What does satisfaction come with exactly?

2010-06-03T21:19:00.001+08:00

I felt so much better after telling him everything that day. I've told some people before. Some understood, but I just felt they weren't the right people who I really want to tell. Nevertheless, I still have to thank them for listening to me. But finally, I told him. Someone who I think I should tell. And I was right. He is the person who understands why I dread hearing some things, and why I made some selfish decisions for myself. His reply and consolation was the answer that I was looking for all this while. Now I feel totally relieved.

I guess I finally get to see a few people's true colours over time. Hurting others just because they want to present their best to others. I was so wrong for so long. What is a close friend? Someone who claims to be yours? I cannot imagine I took so long to realize. Her so-called close friends... I realized she has so many close friends. So many she doesn't want to lose any. But she lost me eventually. I guess I cannot stand that she has to decide between 2 "close" friends, and giving in to the other friend who was in the wrong, just for the sake of her own benefits. I was so silly to confide in her, and another one whom I totally thought I could trust. But I was wrong. But luckily, it is over too. I just want to say, humans can lie, but pictures will never lie. They will tell the truth one fine day to expose humans' lies.

Some other things, I really don't want to dig further into the truth anymore. It doesn't matter to me if they want to continue about those nonsense. Somehow, I think those undesirable circumstances then made my life easier now. I appreciate the freedom I get to enjoy during this holidays, and the time I get to spend with people whom I really miss hanging out with.

2010-05-24T22:12:00.003+08:00

成长的定义是什么？

成熟的定义是什么？

以前我认为言承旭不过仅仅是帅罢了。。但是，现在再从新看到他的另一面，他应该还是属于感性和温馨的大男孩。。帅不帅真的不重要，对待他人那颗善良的心才是。。再一次的崇拜他，已经不是他的帅，而是他真情流露又含蓄的那一面。。不后悔买他的写真书，文字写得细腻，发人省思。。不管背后的故事、人物是否是假，如果确确实实是真的，他的努力都看见了。。

最新一期的i周刊封面人物就是言承旭。。随意翻开的第一页，恰好是一篇访问记者写关于粉丝的内容。。最喜欢这一句：“粉丝，遇过疯狂类型的很多，但理性、体贴且为偶像着想的，稀有。”

I love THES! =D

2010-05-21T15:27:00.001+08:00

I swear I'm not putting my hopes high again this time. I always get disappointed in the end. I guess I shall let nature takes its course. Too much ugly sides being exposed. Bah..

Then again, it's only May. Coming to an end soon. Yet I think I'm thinking and planning a lot. So much taken into consideration for next semester already. Woah... Is it going to be ultra heavy semester? I totally have no idea what I want! I seriously need to have a goal somewhere. Hmm...

I wonder if I'm looking forward to stepping down soon from THES. THES is a place I love a lot & has allowed me to prove to myself my extreme capabilities. Sometimes I wonder if I have done a great job or a lousy job as the vice. Regardless of being good or bad, I guess I can say I have done my part most of the time dutifully. Although I may complain a lot sometimes, I guess I have no regrets taking up the position. I have learnt a lot from the role. I didn't believe I can handle both my THES role and JJFC website team role simultaneously before. Sometimes, I would give myself stress in trying to balance both roles and not neglect any one of them. All this while, the contradicting thoughts of "I can cope" and "I can't cope" have been flying in my mind in random situations. But I'm glad all these happen in a flash in the good way. 2 academic semesters has passed. Perhaps 2 or 3 more months, I am stepping down. Taking up the role has made me more committed to THES and closer to the volunteers. Compared to my performance in Year 1, I think this is a year where I really have the passion to commit. It is a joy, not a chore. Thanks for the people who believe and trust that I can do it. I have made it.

As for the website team role, I guess it will be a longer-term commitment! Thank you Janice & Joey Tan for agreeing to help out! Both of you have lighten our workload so much! Of course, stop saying I don't need you anymore, Ivalyn Lye Jun Yi! Your main task is to keep me entertained! Haha...

I have a nice manager! =D

2010-05-19T23:38:00.004+08:00

It's random pay day again!! =D

Why do I say random? Because my manager loves to give me my pay whenever he likes it/remembers. To be honest, I quite like it. He is not the type who will drag your salary until he has no choice or excuse but to pay you when I say whenever he likes it/remembers. He is the kind who will ask me how many hours I have accumulated after 2 or 3 weeks. If it is 1 month or more, it must be me, because I often skip work due to all kinds of reasons. Haha...

I have to say, I really have a nice manager who respects and trusts me a lot. I do not have a timesheet, and nobody keeps track of the number of hours I've worked thus far, including him. It is all based on my part of honesty and integrity. He totally understand the fact that I am a student, thus my super duper flexible working hours. I think I exploit his kindness on this part sometimes by being absent from work for various reasons like CCA & stuff like that. Oops!

On the contrary, I always like to repeat my previous manager sucks. And I'm going back there to work morning part-time since my current job is afternoon part-time shift. Of course, I'm not working for him this time round. He better not provoke me when I return next Monday, because I can't promise I won't be rude to his hypocrisy. Everyone who works with him before never had good comments about him before.

2010-05-14T14:58:00.005+08:00

On msn last night...
(I didn't type in CAPS, but it's 1 of my blog settings that makes my font CAPS.)

	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			my blog is 5 years old!
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			and so I got it a new blog song as present
	ivalyn			hahaha whats the link!
	ivalyn			eh got help your blog sing birthday song or not
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			I did, in my dreams
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			what's e link?
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			birthday present la!
	ivalyn			the link of your new blog lah!
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			wad new blog?
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			I got a new blog SONG, not new BLOG
	ivalyn			OH
	ivalyn			alamak!
	ivalyn			i missed out the song!
	ivalyn			hahahaha
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			why would I get a new blog as a birthday present for my blog in e 1st place?
	ivalyn			HHAHAHA
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			tt's not... un-devoted to my blog!
	ivalyn			how i know you!
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			it's u lor!
	ivalyn			what! i so devoted can!
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			where?
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			when?
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			I bet u'll get a new bf when ur bf's b'day comes, as his b'day present
	ivalyn			WTH!
	ivalyn			hahaha
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			it's u lor
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			I told u
	ivalyn			eh i never okay!
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			HAVEN
	ivalyn			OI!
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			oh, what's e address of ur new bf?
	ivalyn			huh?!
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			does it sounds familiar?
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			what's e link?
	ivalyn			HAHAHAHAHA
	ivalyn			OMGGG
	ivalyn			crapzzz
	ivalyn			you damn funny
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			omg... I think I rock
	ivalyn			haha for once, i think so too
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			I always do
	ivalyn			whatever mann
	insignificant human being - 満足は幸福である			lalalala~~`

I deleted whatever I've typed out in the morning. Oh well.. I don't know..
If I get to choose again, I'll most probably not pick NUS again. Anyway, NUS was initially my last choice out of the 3 successful applications to local universities. Under some circumstances & considerations, I chose NUS in the end. It must be 1 of the lousiest decisions I have ever made in my life. Though I still manage to cope with a pathetic CAP/5.0 that is even lower than my GPA/4.0 in SP, I still think it sucks. Oh wells...

Where did my wonderful polytechnic life go? Friendly people, interesting lecturers, nice food in foodcourt, Daidee/Bridge during breaks, etc, etc...

Happy 5th Birthday to kib0sh-t0tz! =D

2010-05-13T01:47:00.003+08:00

1 year ago, I got addicted to 败犬女王 way before everyone does now.
2 years ago, I graduated from SP & enrolled into where I am now.
3 years ago, I faced with problems which I don't even remember now.
4 years ago, I was complaining so much for who-knows-what reasons.
5 years ago, I started out this blog.

5 years of memories kept in here! Can you imagine that? I didn't realize my "determination" can last for so long, seriously. Ups and downs, tears and laughter. Looking back is always a bittersweet thing to do. =D

EXAMS ARE OVER! =D

2010-05-09T12:45:00.001+08:00

Exam is finally over! Yay!

And I'm so smart I didn't know the last paper was closed book, and I studied for open-book. But oh well... It's over!

And so, I went for an impromptu outing with May, Angela and 1 of our mutual friends, Peilin. May and I went from school after her work and my exam. Angela & Peilin met us at Dhoby Ghaut's Just Acia for lunch cum dinner. They were super late! Haha... And we had a great chat over the meal. The chat was quite... thought-provoking I guess? I think I'll write this part in my LJ because it's quite private. May was so shocked to hear some of the things Angela and I said, and she said she will disown me as a friend if I ever do all those things! Hahaha!!!

After the meal, Peilin had to go off, and the 3 of us decided to walk to Somerset Cineleisure to drop by the new SMG store to take a look. We spent like only 10 minutes in the store. And I bought a purple star earphones on the way out. Wahaha...

The most amazing thing is, we only spent 10 minutes in SMG store. Yet we spent around 1 hour outside Cineleisure's open area! The reason being is, there was this SF4 Championship going on. It was really exciting and interesting seeing people compete against one another! The matches were really engaging because the opponents are really professional! You can hear people clapping at times because the results were so close, especially during the finals! The champion got to compete against Japan, Korea and Taiwan in Korea, so his trip is sponsored! Cool right..

What a pity it is for the 1st runner-up! He was really good, and good looking too! Haha...

Confused

2010-04-15T02:01:00.001+08:00

I don't know if I'm disappointed. To be more specific, I am disappointed, but I don't know if I deserved to be disappointed. I have been feeling so alone recently. I want it to be better, but I can't do this alone.

And when I heard that comment the other day, I felt defensive. To hear that from someone who used to be in a similar position as me, it really sucks. You left without notice, now you come back and start picking on us. Who are you to criticize us?

You said that things were the best during her time. By judging solely with that component, how can you define it that way? I admit her time was the best too, I can't deny that. But time has changed. People has changed too. Even technology changed. It's true that component you commented about is dying. But it is being replaced by so many other components. And she was the one who indirectly lets everything went out of control. She had her bad judgements too. Nobody gives me the credits of building everything all over again from scratch, literally. I changed the generation. I changed the Factor 'X'.

Even though a few people defended me by saying we got an award during my generation, I have to admit it is not all because of my effort. I have to say, the award came coincidentally when I was taking charge, it wasn't solely my credit for those things I have done. It could have came previously when my generation was just about to begin, but someone else was just more suitable than us at that point of time. So now it is our turn. But then again, if I have let it deterioriate for all I care, I don't think we even deserve that right now. In short, I was the one who maintained our image to convince people we still deserve it.

On a side note, it totally sounds wrong to be happy. I had missed that someone previously. Now tt someone is back to talk to me, which cause me to be happy. Does it sound wrong to be missing that someone that I most probably should not be missing? It's confusing. I know it is somehow wrong, but I can't control myself.

Projects are tiring

2010-04-13T02:43:00.003+08:00

I guess it's kind of a relief after finishing these 2 papers (partially for 1).

After procrastinating so much in the weekend, I've finally completed that darn tutorial assignment within 6 hours without knowing what I wrote anyway. And I finished the other paper, which is part of a group report, in 2 hours. That one was easier because we already have information on the topic. There is discussion meeting tomorrow morning though. Sigh...

I wish this semester will be over soon. Though I may not be looking forward to next semester as well. Everyone says it would be a hell semester since I'm going to take that 8 MC project module. I don't if I should be happy or not, because I'll be working with my eyecandy! But that's another thing right.. Projects are always horrible, even though exams are worse.

Please let me pass this week peacefully since most of the projects are due with 1 project report due next Monday. 1 word - Tired..

At times like this...

2010-04-11T14:00:00.002+08:00

Okay, my blog is truly dead..

Have been so busy with project deadlines, tests & quizzes, and many many more school-related stuff. Exams are coming, but I totally feel so unprepared! =( Therefore, I haven't had the time to blog about many things, including our E-awards performance on 13 March 2010, JJ events on 28 March 2010, and THES major outing.

I know it won't take much time to blog to many people, but I just take a lot of time to blog. Haha... Even though I have been procrastinating and wasting time here and there which I could take to blog, but I just feel that free time is not for something like blogging at this point of time. Contradiction! Boo...

Come to think of it! I should change my main blog to JJFC (SG) OMY blog! I "blog" there more than I blog here now. Muahaha... Oh well... I can't help it when it is my commitment! Argh...

ANYWAYS! I bought 言承旭's 9314 Pictorial book last night! So happy yet so broke! I was hesitant about buying as I'm so afraid it would be an impulse buy when I get all addicted to Jerry Yan in after watching 就想赖着你 once again after that long-ago 流星花园.. I have to admit he's still as charming as before! However, to be honest, I'm more attracted to the book about his life story instead of his 写真书... I didn't regret buying after all, because the quotes in the book are inspiring and fabulous. =D

Okay, I shall stop procrastinating and get back to reading my darn ERP readings! (Anyway, stop asking me why I study ERP in Computing. It's not Electronic Road Pricing, it's Enterprise Resource Planning, an information system) I need to finish the darn 4% time-consuming tutorial assignment & my part of IT outsourcing project by tonight! =((

Smiles

2010-03-02T20:38:00.003+08:00

I love JJ's blog post dated 22 Feb, 2010!
http://hypebeast.com/blog/jj/2010/02/smiles/

"It doesn’t take alot to smile, but sometimes in life, things happen and our smiles get stolen from us.
We frown, we tear, even weep… but just find it hard to smile again.

I’m glad I made this trip down to Pingdong, Taiwan just to be with the students from Qingye Primary.
Singing with them, dancing among the kids, sharing
life and struggles, encouraging and being encouraged back…
These simple acts, and carefree moments, they slowed down the pace of life, made me reflect, and helped me grow…

Some of these kids had family taken from them, homes destroyed around them due to the 88 Taiwan flood in 2009.

Seeing them smile again… all my life struggles, the stress, the good and the not so good, suddenly fades away, all the hard work becomes worthwhile…"

To give, it is a very simple thing. To give from the bottom of your heart, it really depends on individuals.

Creating smiles is the reason that I set my mind to join CSC initially and continue to stay on. =D

JJ's post really brings a smile to my face because that is what I always look forward to when I go to THES. =D

2010-03-01T17:06:00.002+08:00

It's March already..

I wonder how I am going to keep up with all my anticipated commitments in March. I think it's a month that I both look forward to and dread of it. Deadlines, normal visits, major outing preparations, rehearsals, performance, events, etc, etc...

While waiting for the results, I'm going to dread knowing it. I don't know if I'm looking forward to it because it's a project that I really want to do. Yet I don't know if I regret applying for it, because I'm not sure if I can fully commit to it with all my existing responsibilities. Haiz... What have I gotten myself into, seriously??

Hortpark Recee!

2010-02-27T23:03:00.005+08:00

We went Hortpark to recee the venue for major outing this morning! I actually woke up so early to do this! I can't imagine myself doing this for THES 1 year ago seriously..

I think I need more exercise! Walking is tiring as you get old! But the scenery is damn chio in Hortpark and Henderson Waves. Even though I almost wanted to die walking uphill, but what you see up there is really nice! So I shall just post some photos! =D

2010-02-25T20:44:00.001+08:00

Someone once said to me, be prepared to have no true friendship when you're up there. I didn't know how she felt at that point of time. Now I totally understand.

To be someone by choice or by chance, there is usually a price to pay. What I didn't know is, I have to pay a high price for being someone who barely makes it there to be one. It may seem glamorous to be me, but it sure feels lonely. I feel like a stranger to those who used to be close to me. I can’t do anything about who I am, who people perceive me to be. But I have to say, I'm still who you used to know.

I miss the days of CSC Day props making. Despite all the small talks and minor arguments, it was a place where I truly found joy. I doubt I’ll find the same kind of feeling anywhere else real soon. Except THES.

I don’t want my fighting spirit anymore. I have no intention to compete for anything. It really sucks to be hurt in the process. All I want is to do something I love, and not fight for what seems to be superior to others.

How many really understand how I feel?

2010-02-11T02:02:00.001+08:00

u know...

this blog is like so dead now...

haha...

I'll be back soon...

6 more days to CSC Day

2010-01-17T23:10:00.000+08:00

6 more days to CSC Day itself!

The date is getting nearer. I really hope we can complete everything on time. Afterall, we've been working so hard for the past 2 months. I still remembered the 1st meeting was during reading week, and 1st progger meeting was right after my last paper. From strangers to friends. From gossips to HTHT. With all the emotions rollercoaster. I guess I will start to miss it once everything is over. It is really a great experience with bad and good things involved. At least I get to grow from it. I keep harping on the fact that I'm the "most hardworking programme assistant". Haha...

School started on Monday already. The going early to and back from school almost every single day in the holidays made it no difference for us. We realized we sounded super chirpy on bus 96 on Monday while everyone else was so quiet. Haha... Moreover, Monday is my free day this semester, so it didn't even feel like school had started for me that day. It's like home, clubroom, home, clubroom. Wonder if I'll miss the clubroom when everything ends. Haha...

Surprisingly, level 4000s modules ended super early for their 1st lectures. Super early as in, ended in less than 1 hour instead of the supposedly 2 hours. And there will not be tutorials for level 4000s modules. I asked Chris why, he said because most Year 4s need to do FYP, so there will only be mainly projects. Okay... I think I love projects more than exams..

And I have a level 3 module that has only 16 - 18 students! Afterall, we're the pioneer batch of guinea pigs for this module. Haha... There are pros and cons for a newly offered module. The pro is that our result will not based on the bell curve since there is so little students. Also, there is no worries about balloting for tutorial classes, because 2 classes are open for the 16 - 18 of us when a single normal tutorial class has more than this amount of students. Haha... The bad thing is, the lecturer gets to know everyone of us. During our 1st lecture, the lecturer gave out notes by calling out our names and pass it personally to each 1 of us. Omg right... Usually for big lectures, we had to go right to the front to get the notes ourselves. And why did I say it was bad? It was because, the lecturer would time to time call out to any of us to answer his questions. When I thought it was safe, I took out my handphone to sms Margaret about something before I forgot. Just when I was drafting the message, the lecturer had to call me! I didn't even know what he had asked la! That was like so bad!!!

I'm kind of fear math even though I know Mr Ng is good! He was as funny as he was in MA1301. But I think I forgot all my math, which is bad. Aahh... I hope I can cope with it. The module I fear most is this math module. Argh...

More props making coming up! After this week, I think I'll feel so lost & empty after busying for so many weeks.

2010-01-10T01:34:00.002+08:00

Last weekend before school officially starts..

My energy is exhausting out.. I think the 2 PDs and all proggers are, most mentally and physically.

Anyway, there's nothing gonna do with CSC Day stuff for the rest of the entry. They are just about some other stuff I'm totally fed-up with.

I thought I would have settled much stuff by the night time. But some people just gave me nonsense to settle in the end. And the last thing I need is the person who is in the wrong to be so rude to me as if it is my fault she made a mistake on her part. Like excuse me?? As if I don't have enough issues on my hand to clear? I don't need that additional unnecessary one to occur.

And here comes another one who I have been waiting for the whole day, in the end, things are done half bucket. Should have just told me that much earlier. And just because of some mistakes I just realized, I have to backtrack everything and do it all over again from that time. All because I was absent.. But I'm not even excused for that.

东于哲。爱与不爱。宇中

2010-01-03T03:03:00.002+08:00

“喂！你应该要对我的人生负责任啊。。
要不然我会白天吃不饱，晚上睡不着，尿尿会尿不出..”

Finally! I finished watching 《高校铁金刚》! =D Thanks to it, I kind of got out of my moody state. The show just makes me smile. The above line is said by Rynn in the later part of the show. The way he said it is super funny! Totally make my day! =D

And I finally found the 插曲, “爱与不爱"! I think it's super nice & touching. It's now 1 of my blog songs! Love it! I searched very long because I didn't know who sang it or what the title was initially. I guessed & tried looking for 东于哲's album, but apparently, it is not a song in their album. When I finally googled 1 line of e lyrics, I realized it was sang by Jack of 东于哲! Happy! =D

================================================

阿哲首次独唱的歌曲『爱与不爱』,
这首歌曲也是《高校铁金刚》偶像剧里的插曲. :D

悄悄站在门外，
静静望着你发呆，
你闪烁的双眼...
看着一片海笑起来，
从来不对你说明白，
害怕你会被伤害...
也许我不应该，
站在这门外，
所以我们才默默分开...
当爱与不爱一样让人心痛，
我们都无话可说，
你现在的快乐，
不是因为我，
我很难过...
当爱与不爱一样让人心痛，
那就松开我的手，
故事走到最后，
期望你更好过，
请你忘了，
曾经有过...
当爱与不爱一样让人心痛，
我们都无话可说，
你现在的快乐，
不是因为我，
我很难过...
当爱与不爱一样让人心痛，
那就松开我的手，
故事走到最后，
期望你更好过，
请你忘了，
曾经有过...

================================================

I'm starting to fall in love with 东于哲 after the show! Haha... They're JJ's & Rynn's 师弟s from Halo Music.

And I think I'll start watching 逆风18 because the storyline seems to attract me. The stars in the show are Jack from 东于哲，CHIN and 钟欣怡 from 原来我不帅! Surprisingly, Rynn & Nicky Lee made guest appearance in the show! I got a shock for sure! Haha... Malaysia can produce better 偶像剧 than Singapore for sure! =D

2010-01-02T18:23:00.001+08:00

I didn't go around wishing people Happy New Year.

I didn't reply some wishings that were sent to me through sms-es or msn-es.

I didn't set any new year resolutions for the Year 2010.

To me, it's just a step over from the Year 2009 to 2010.
It's not an end to my life. Neither it is a new beginning.
There is no difference when the clock ticked from 31 December 2009 to 1 January 2010.
Just like how the clock ticked from 30 December 2009 to 31 December 2009.
And also from 1 January 2010 to 2 January 2010.
In short, nothing really changes.

I really wonder what is the big deal of a new year now. We cannot predict what will happen in the new year. Things do not just change in the lapse of a split second from a change into the new year. People who were talking to me 10 days ago are still talking to me today, and I'm sure we'll continue to talk to each other in the next 10 days. It will never change the fact that a fall apart relationship will be placed back just because it is a new year.

I will still remember the things I'm unhappy about last year. As much as I wish my bad thoughts from the past year would be erased away from my memory in the past year, I guess it did not happen. Some things still remain unsolved. Some things might have changed.

To be honest, until now, I still doubt myself in trying to believe things would be better in certain aspects. I don't know why I have this fear, something that I wish I can get rid of. I'm not blaming you or anything, Ivalyn. But that post really struck me hard. No matter how much you may apologise, or how much I know it wasn't an intentional thing from you, I guess it is me who cannot overcome this mental obstacle ultimately. I begin to doubt myself really much. I didn't have much confidence in the first place, even if I appeared to be very confident in the things I do. I used to have great support from others, including trust that I needed, to boost that teeny weeny confidence of mine to believe I can do it. As time passes, I'm sure you also know that people around me have changed. Be it for selfish reasons, or be it for protecting themselves from conflicts, everything is not the same as what I have seen in the past anymore. There are so many things I know, I wished I didn't have to know. How some people can be friendly to one another, but once that person leaves our sight, the other person start telling me how hypocritical that person was to her just now. At least I still see my hope in you. Someone who has never changed despite everything.

Truthfully, my thought has been much shakened since last August. I was quite determined to leave very soon. It is not easy to stay in a place that had created much unhappiness for me. It is very easy to say I wanted to leave, because I do not have much sense of belonging left anymore. But I know you wouldn't leave everything behind, leaving thinking what otherwise is what we have once built together. It would be a pity right? I guess my sense tells me everything is different already, nothing left was what I wanted previously. I wanted you not to leave everything, but leave the ironic part of that aspect, and be as normal as before the time you know me. When I knew my hints weren't strong enough to make you leave as well, I knew I had to stay on. I feel responsible for who we are today. I really didn't want to re-build everything, partly because I was very tired of everything. Partly because I do not want to be disappointed all over again.

Another thing I would like to say is, I don't know if she still reads my blog, but I will still write it here. Maybe whatever I wrote in that email, it was only half the truth. The other half of the truth, is something I have never said before, as I feel that it is going to hurt some of you because of my own feelings. I want to be selfish for once, be it because I really want to be selfish, or be it I really still care. To Celeste. The other half of the truth is, perhaps I am jealous how close you have gotten with Ivalyn, which makes me feel unwanted in the friendship. I cannot blame Ivalyn or you for being so close for it was me who brought the 2 of you together. I didn't mind how close you were to Ivalyn, because it is your choice to decide how close you want to be, and who you want to be with. But I wasn't very happy because after you knew Ivalyn for some time, you really distanced from me. We used to talk about many things besides JJ, that made us so close. After you knew her, you confided in her for almost everything instead of me. Maybe Ivalyn is easier to talk to and she may give you greater response that you want than me. After a while, our conversation topic really become solely JJ, JJ, and JJ. I really hated the new friendship that we had created. You weren't the Celeste I knew previously anymore. If you remembered, I once told you how I had that strong feeling about me & Alicia's friendship won't last, and in the end we really quarrelled? Previously, I really did not have that same feeling for so long. Until that period of time. I guessed my feelings is like a natural disastor itself. It would be all sorts of calmness before the storm really arrives. I tend to hide my emotions so much I let them accumulate. But once it all comes together, it means an explosion in emotions that couldn't be controlled anymore. I didn't really want to say all this previously, because I was afraid that Ivalyn would blame herself for interrupting into our friendship or whatever. But really, it has nothing to do with Ivalyn at all, but how I feel abandoned in your friendship after you have a new person to confide with. I swear I have never intended to change your thinking because of me at all. But at the same time, I'm sure the same applies to me. Seeing how close Ivalyn & you are right now, I'm very glad and I have no more fears in saying all this anymore.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, 2010! =DD

2010-01-01T01:23:00.001+08:00

Hello people!

It's 2010!

Happy New Year!

I have been really busy wif CSC Day VI. Even until the last day of 2009. But I really enjoyed participating in it, especially in the programme cell!

At least it is a promise that I finally kept to myself. And I will complete it!

I guess Year 2009 flew past real quickly and many things happened throughout the year.

I think the most significant thing that happen to me is how JJFC and the people in JJFC have changed in my life. It used to be a real enjoyment that I could give up almost anything for JJFC and my JJFC friends. Now I feel that it has become a commitment. I guess I have never openly talked about this before, so nobody really knows how I truly feel. I have no idea how much tears I have dropped in 2009 just because of it alone. Sometimes I think I'm just being silly.

To Alicia:
Thanks for being in my life once again. I guessed the both of us have changed a lot since the big quarrel. Even though I know we can't be THAT close than before, but I'm really glad we talk again. I feel that you've really matured a lot. I don't care how people may think that I talk to you after so long. I'm very happy that we can talk about those friendship stuff. I still want to go to your house to watch 小叮当 & 蜡笔小新 while doing puzzle! Sorry I have no time this whole December.

To Celeste:
I'm sorry that this kind of thing has to happen to us. Honestly, no matter what your decision is in the end, I'll gladly accept it. I guess I really cannot accept a friendship based solely on that person. I'm glad that he's the one who brought us together. But remember, he is not the one who bring us apart in the end. I know you missed the time when we were so close. I missed it too. I wish we are still so close. But I guess neither of us wish to make that first move. I really don't know how many times I cried because I was so heartless to bring this topic up & caused the drift apart in us. I guess nobody is at fault, it's just that we think differently. Maybe I have seen too many internal things that you didn't see, that is why I have the strong feeling that I don't want my friendship to be that way. Anyway, I truly hope that you'll do well in your Os. =)

To Ivalyn:
I'm really glad to know you in 2009. I'm really glad that we're still so close even after so many things that happened during this short period we know each other. Even though I always say you're dao or siao, I still love you!

Anyway, I was truly hurt when I saw that post. That night, I was really affected that I cried. Whatever I have typed in my LJ is true. You are the last person whom I expect to disappoint me. I don't know why, but this is the 1st time that I'm doing so many things for the sake of someone that I know I'll never do it for other people. I only know that whatever I went through, I want to make sure you'll not go through them again. Honestly, my friends told me so many times to just quit & be who I should be. But I'm very stubborn, because I know I want to be there for you always. Nevertheless, I guess no matter it is done out of frustration or unintentionally, what is done cannot be undone. I was never angry with you, so you don't have to be guilty over that issue. If I was, I guess I wouldn't even talked to you after that.

Anyway, no matter what you say, I'll still insist to be there for you. Because I want to. And I'll still continue to say you're so dao/siao, like WHATEVER! =P

Still, I'm very glad that many new people appear in my life, giving me great influence and changing my perception of how friends should really be like. Because of them, I really cherish friendship more than ever, and not neglect them like how I used to because I used to devote all my time to my JJFC friends only.

I'm glad that I have met 2 great leaders in different aspects. I'm not someone who is easy to be led & work with. I demand a lot & have high expectations of my leaders, I hardly deem my leaders as great most of the time. However, I can really say, these 2 leaders really gain my respect for them. I really enjoy working with them. Furthermore, I'm so willing to work anything for them without any complaints at all. Actually, there is another 1, but he is not my direct leader in some sense. I'm so honoured that I have the chance to work with these people. I'm sure I'll continue to enjoy working with them in this coming year. If I have the time, I'll blog more about them in my LJ. =D

And of course, I have made wonderful friends too, especially in E6. Though it wasn't exactly a good experience for me, but I can't forget about the nice people I get to know! =D Germaine Aiai, Wing, Yew Thong, Johnson, etc, etc.. And of course, there is obviously 1 person, whom I intend to leave out her name. But I guess I won't be so mean to do that to her! That person is none other than the SUPER naggy Leong Hui Ting! =D I don't when it begins, but apparently she is supposedly my lesbian right now. Hahaha!!! Okok, I must really thank her more than anyone else. I don't know why, but I guess I can safely tell her so many things. Even though we always suan each other, but I can really HTHT with her. I LOVE YOU, HUI TING! But stop nagging at me in 2010! Hahaha...

I'm glad I decided to join CSC Day VI after much consideration. Even though we get really busy, but it is a really great experience where I enjoy myself very much. Most of the OC members are fun to be with! Of course, I totally love being in the programme cell with all the lovely proggers, Zur, Michelle, JH & Hui Ting. I wonder if I will miss taking bus 96 to school with them & climb the long flights of steps to clubroom when everything is over. And all those jokes during props making. I guess we bond really well! As Michelle always says, we shall hang out together after the event. 23 days left to CSC Day VI! =D

Also, through E6, I've learnt how to cherish Acacia more. I guess it is really different being a freshie and a KC. Once a freshie, forever a freshie in Acacia. I guess 1 of the best times I had in NUS is with Acacians. I'll look forward for more outings with them! =D

OKAY! I think I have typed enough! Time to go to bed! Hope it'll be a great 2010 ahead! =DDD

2009-12-28T03:35:00.004+08:00

It was a day without CSC Day peeps.

I should be enjoying my nice break from all the hard work for the past few weeks. But I was on the verge of crying instead.

I know I was moody for some reasons recently. But I didn't really show out my feelings to everyone who was around me. In fact, I was smiling to whoever I saw. I guess I'm not a person who will show my feeling on my face that easily unless it is really serious.

I have been trying to hide my emotions from the CSC Day peeps almost everyday. I am really unhappy recently. But they are not the reason for my unhappiness, so I do not want to affect them just because I'm moody. They are the ones who take my thoughts away, not thinking about anything else, but stuff on CSC Day. I feel happy around them, because I tend to forget about unhappy things. It can be very tiring at the end of the day, but I really enjoy their company.

As I try very hard not to express my true feelings, I hate it when people take it out on me just because they're unhappy themselves. I don't understand why so many people like to take it out on me these few days. Is it because I seem to be happy-go-lucky all the time to you? When I'm happy, you would want to dampen my mood? So sad to say, I'm not as happy as you may think as well. I just feel so wronged that these people are treating me like that without considering about how I truly feel. All they care is about themselves.

It was a day without CSC Day peeps indeed. Without them to be there to cheer me up with all sorts of nonsense we have everyday we meet.

2009-12-22T22:40:00.002+08:00

I haven't been blogging for a long time because I have been busy with CSC Day props making. We have been going back to school almost every single day! It is kind of tiring going to school in the morning and ending in the evening, and the process repeats. But I really enjoy the company when we are together. It beats doing nothing at home yeah.. And we have a lot of fun! =D

I went back to work after missing work for 1 week last week. And Jack was finally in the office! When he saw me, his 1st sentence was, “好久不见”.. Funny... And I asked him about sponsoring CSC Day which he was okay with it! Yay!!! And he also gave me my long-awaited pay! It's kind of funny that my pay is really peasy since I only work whenever I can. My 2-month pay is like a day worth of pay working at C3 fair. Hahaha...

Today is also the release of our exam results! I'm quite happy with my results even though it sucks compared to most people in CSC Day OC. But heck! My CAP went up by 0.13! I shall continue to aim for CAP 3.0 next semester! Surprisingly, I got all B- except for CS2106! Siao lor! I actually got B for CS2106! Haha... I thought the module is going to be 1 of the worst, but it's actually the best! Haha... And I don't need to S/U my GEM! Hee...

Lastly! I went shopping with Angela at Causeway Point y'day! Totally crazy! I bought so many things! Haha... And of course! I finally bought my JJ 《第几个一百天》 album!!! It's a really great album with a lot of JJ's feelings in it. The words he wrote are really touching! I like the jazz like song written by Rynn - 《一个又一个》! Actually the songs in this album are all very nice! =D

Okay... Time to go to bed! I keep falling asleep in buses & MRTs and missing my stops recently. I guess I'm really tired! BB! =D

I'm sorry

2009-12-16T22:24:00.003+08:00

**Moved**
I was never a good leader. And I know I will never be. If I am, I'll have never let you feel that way.

That is why I am very appreciative for having a good leader myself. And I'm willing to do so many things for her which I believe I will never do for anyone else. She may not be the best for all you may think, but she gave her best to me. She may forget things that she needs to do, but she will never forget things she promised me to do. The anxiety she took away from me when she senses it from me. The many, many things a lot of people do not think she will do, but she did.

The more I feel that she has given to me, the more I feel inferior for not being able to play the similar role back to you. The difference why I could accomplish so much with her around and enjoy getting busy and the challenges faced, and why I feel more and more disheartened even though I know I can accomplish so much more that I know I could have and have more than enough the capability to do so, but didn't manage to.

I'm sorry.
I've decided to move this post to somewhere more private.

I guessed I'm just being emo.

But I'm really tired out by the bare truth.

The love that is everlasting

2009-12-15T04:21:00.002+08:00

Just a little thought from the little mind...

How would you feel or what will you do if one day, JJ does not come back to Singapore for any promotions or events anymore?

Do you have an answer?

I'm proud to say, I have a very clear answer.

Rynn not being able to come to Singapore for his promo gives me a very definite answer. Even though I still find it a pity that I wasn't able to go for his concert in Genting, but it does not mean anything bad. I didn't find myself complaining much about all the not being able to see him and stuff like that.

This is because it is not the physical human that I am supporting only. I support JJ & Rynn because I support their music. Seeing them in person is definitely a bonus. To be honest, when we were told that Rynn was coming to Singapore anymore after getting excited for a few weeks, I was truly disappointed. But disappointment doesn't stay long. It wasn't because I didn't miss Rynn. I do miss him. However, it is the fact that I have his music to keep me going on. Rynn isn't here, but his music sure does stay on. 5 new songs are not a lot. But I fall in love with them slowly 1 by 1. I can feel the passion he leaves in his music. Seriously, nobody have any idea when Rynn will be coming to Singapore again. But for sure, my love for Rynn and his music is going to stay in me for as long as he continues to pursue his passion in music.

Demanding will only cause a loss in you. Your yearning in wanting to see him more and more will only cause you to lose your initial faith in his music. In the end, you'll never realize what you're supporting him for, for the close contact that he gives you, or the initial love for his music no matter where he is.

For JJ, I'm sure I'll have the same feeling. The feeling that will never change or fade... =D

2009-12-12T14:15:00.002+08:00

Seriously, I'm really pissed off.

What does it mean by all that nonsense? Do you even understand how stressed I am because of what had happened? Although it isn't anyone's fault, but can you be more considerate for me? I'm not like you. With 1 thing to concentrate on and nothing else. But I have more than I can handle right now. Can't you just be more sensitive?

I know you might be thinking I'm not managing myself well, so it's all my fault. But please think again, nobody expected that to happen. When that happened, you only have to take on only about 20% more responsibility. But it's different for me. I have to take up more than double of that responsibility.

When she demands from you, you in turn demand from me. Why has it turned into my problem instead? I wasn't the one who decide on things, I don't even have much say. And when things crop up, your tone just sounded so pissed off with me because I can't keep up to my tasks. Is it my fault it was you who gave me that allowance and wanted to take it back suddenly? You should be defending me, shouldn't you? If you explain to her, she'll understand. From my understanding of her, I know she would. But you didn't even bother to give her an explanation & give me that stupid reply.

Honestly, when I gave you my reply, there is something you can do. But you didn't. If it was her, and I gave her the same reply, I'm sure she'll make that decision that you didn't make. Both her & your problem will be solved, instead of delaying the problem further to me.

700th POST!

2009-12-07T23:37:00.003+08:00

700th POST!

BE AMAZED! SURPRISED!

I'm going to do a special post again!

This post is deliberately scheduled to be up on 07/12/09. =D

F-i-r-s-t..... JJ!

7th album - 《第几个100天》!

================================
《第几个100天》
词：姚若龙曲：林俊杰

我把爱铺成蓝天
让不安的妳一抬头就看得见
我把心烧成火焰
让怕黑的妳拥着温暖入眠

我晓得时间如雪有时候会覆盖一切
但是真爱一如倔强会重生的绿叶

第几个一百天还是很有感觉
用眼睛去素描妳内心的世界
第几个一百天也像刚热恋
两个人手一牵连命运都改变

曾有的敏感脆弱
在我的胸口你就躺下来别说了
将有的固执冲动
我也会拥抱妳安抚着体谅妳心疼着Wooh ~Wooh~

第几个一百天越来越有感觉
用眼睛去素描妳内心的世界
管过多少一百天也像刚热恋
两个人手一牵连命运都改变
当守护变信念连泪水都很甜

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

N-E-X-T.... Rynn!

《7天追到你》

and

《活到一百岁》

Seems like everything fits just nice for me to write my 700th post! Haha...

Simple yet meaningful! With both JJ & Rynn again! =D

699th Post! It's all about Rynn! =D

2009-12-07T22:29:00.005+08:00

699th Post! =D

Rynn's 至尊大排档！ =D

Some parts of the video are really funny! I totally laughed so loudly to myself when he said he'll 忘词 the first time he sings his new song. It was super funny at 2:07 of the 1st part video! It was like only the 2nd sentence and he really forgot! His scratching head with his sheepish look while "nahnahnah-ing" is really hilarious!

But the most important part is, I'm touched at his 真情流露 at some parts of his interview. 找回了当初支持宇中的感觉。。 Even though he does not have great ambitions about what he wants, but his passion for music is everlasting. Even though his songs are mostly that fanciful with all kinds of instruments or mixing, but it is exactly the simplicity of his music that I like about him. 喜欢弹吉它的宇中, 喜欢最简单的宇中。。

Anyway! At least the company puts in effort to get his MVs done instead of doing rubbish like the previous album. =D

EXAMS ARE OVER! =D

2009-12-06T01:41:00.001+08:00

YAY!!!

EXAMS ARE OVER! =D

Thanks to those who congratulated me on regaining my freedom! Like woah! I'm really surprised! I think I was annoying because I kept complaining they were celebrating their freedom while I was still having my exams. They could have just ignored me for all they care. I thought I was an emo-ing nuisance. Hahaha..

But yesterday, some of them actually came to find me online just to celebrate the end of exams with me! And I'm really surprised at the particular people who actually did that, those I didn't expect them to even think about me at all! I'm so happy!

Anyway, the programme cell met up to discuss about our plans for CSC Day at City Hall. It was really an enjoyable meeting with Zur, HTHT, Michelle & JH. I think our bonding wiil be great! Real business starts now! We have so much things to research on! But I'm not complaining about it, because it's going to get really fun soon! =D

Exams are officially over! And I fall sick too. Boo.. What a time to get sick! There's many things to do next week! I need to get well soon!

2009-12-04T12:52:00.003+08:00

I'm so proud to have a stalker! wahaha...

She's none other than....

HTHT!

She has been reading my blog occasionally since dunno when lor! I don't even know that until last night! Eeyer! She doesn't even remember where she blogs hop from! So dangerous right! Now I'm so scared! I don't even know who else read it! Haha...

But I do welcome HTHT! Coz I know I haven't badmouthed her before. And now I know she reads sometimes, so the more I won't badmouth about her. Wahaha! The fact shall remain as I INSIST she's a stalker of mine from now.

Boy, I do love this stalker though! wahaha...

Just in case, my stalker happens to read this as well.. She loves to nag... so I shall go mug now! =P

2009-12-03T16:01:00.002+08:00

Just a short post before mugging for my last paper on Sat.

Today's CS2105 exam was still considered okay to me.. Considering I randomly browsed through the last few chapters and didn't manage to understand some stuff well enough. I just hope I can get an average score. Oh well...

I seriously think some people are rather inconsiderate. I know your exams are over. But not everyone's exam has ended. And I don't see why I went to interrupt you people when I was not mugging. Yet some people just think their exams are over, and other people are supposed to entertain their needs.

And I don't mean people who are celebrating their end of exams. It's their rights to celebrate their freedom and not wait until all gloomy humans finish their exams to do so afterall. I'm not so petty.

It's those selfish and thoughtless assholes who start gloating over people who are finishing their papers later than them.

2009-11-28T21:28:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY TO BELOVED HTHT!

I'm so glad to have known her in e6! At first, I thought she has her own clique of friends & does not appear to be easy to get close with. But I was so wrong.. She is so much amiable than I thought. After we have gotten to know each other better through the Charis+Auxo allies, we get to know each other better. Now that both of us are in THES, I'm sure our friendship will continue to rock on. Moreover, I'll be spending most of my Dec/Jan holidays with her together with the other 3 programmers for CSC Day!

There is something that I always wish I could tell her personally. But I'm really shy about saying all these in person to her. I know she might not get to read this, so I'll write my appreciation here. For some friendship, I feel that we can be really close when we hang out a lot together, but once we all get busy with our own things, that closeness disappears. I think I regarded her friendship with me like this initially as well. I never stop to think how close we will be, or even care if we will be that close again. I have to say, I didn't put much effort in holding on to this friendship. I really have to thank HTHT for maintaining this bond so strongly that I have enough time to realize & cherish it.

I remembered very clearly what HTHT told me once. "Hey! We must continue to stay in contact once school reopens okay!" Some people may think this is just a passing remark. To me, it sticks to me for the longest time. It is partly because she really tries her best in doing so, and not just saying for the sake of saying. Like I say, I didn't put in any efforts. I didn't bother to make it a point to stay in contact. But she did. She really does wonders to me, that I begin to appreciate friends who I didn't appreciate properly in the past.

I guess it's really how amazing that fate can bring us closer through all these events even though I never once stop to think about how our friendship can go beyond than what we have today. I really cherish her a lot, because she is really 1 of the rare ones who is always willing to be there for me no matter things get tough or we just get together to have fun. I hope we will continue to be as close as now 10, 20, 30 years down the road. This time round, I will put in my part as well. =D

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY TO DARREN!

I really appreciate him for inviting us to his 21st birthday party today! We have only known each other for less than 1 semester, yet he recognizes us as his close friends. It's really great to have him as 1 of our welfare/publicity for THES, because he is more enthusastic than I think he would be. Actually I love our THES comm because everyone is so fun-loving!

So Margaret, HTHT, HTHT's friend & I met at Yio Chu Kang & cabbed down to Selatar Country Club for Darren's birthday celebration. The cab uncle is really amazing! Darren said some of his friends were lost because the cab drivers didn't know how to get in. The environment & atmosphere was really great there. We just slacked there most of the time, because it is rude to read our notes.. hahaha...

3 people in 2 days come & tell me that 七天追到你 is very nice!
See! It shows I'm not biased towards Rynn's songs. =P It is really nice! I think his new songs are not very nice for the first time you hear them except 七天追到你. So a lot of people will not like them. But they are the 耐听 types. The more you listen, the more you will fall in love with them.

萧敬腾's 新不了情 is unbelievably LOVE!!!

I already feel like it's holidays! I have so many plans ahead!

Alicia & I have a plan to go her house for housewarming sleepover to watch 蜡笔小新 & 小叮当, also to piece puzzle together! It sounds so fun! wahaha...

And then, there is Ivalyn Lye Jun Yi. She said we agreed to go zoo together during the holidays, even though I really forget we talked about that before. Oops! Hahaha... But we still can go ok! I haven't been to the Zoo a long time! Yay! Haha...

Of course, there will be at least 1 date reserved just for ZARA LB!

And CSC Day OC is going to have our 1st bonding outing after 1 of the meetings. THES is planning for comm outing & volunteer outing as well..

Omg... I don't even know if I can make it for GYSB event to see JJ!

I need ALOT of time to do all these!!

高校铁金刚

2009-11-27T17:29:00.004+08:00

WAHAHA!

I've been watching 高校铁金刚 again!

This scene was super HILARIOUS! Rynn's face is really funny can! Keep me laughing like crazy! haha!!!

"是谁这样缺德把我的手放在你的肩膀上?"

I like his character in the show! Happy-go-lucky, love to act blur when he's damn smart! Forever scratching his head! wahaha...

I shall finished watching the episode & continue my mugging again! hahaha...

2009-11-27T00:11:00.003+08:00

BOO!

MY ZOO WORLD!

I'm so proud of it! This is the result of playing for 2 days only! Ling Jie don't hit me ar! I even got the owl! Wahaha... It's so addictive to be able to earn so much money like crazy!

My target is overtake that 轻轻's 初恋情人 to be no.2 in 3 days! WAHAHA!!!

2009-11-22T01:27:00.002+08:00

Have been mugging real hard these few days!
Feeling so tired every now & then.
But I must continue to work hard!
All this hard work is going to pay off real soon! =D

I wonder if I did grow up any bit from my thinking. Even though I'm still as childish as I can be.

There are many people who will share joy with me. I was happy about that. I used to be so proud of it, that I have many friends who love to have fun with me. Then I realized, this is not what I want at all.

Once the fun is over, I find myself lonely again. Real lonely.

Then I realized there is this bunch of people. A group of people who I have forgotten when I was having fun with those fun people. The people who I have never noticed properly that they have always been there for me no matter what happen. I felt lonely because I have never felt their presence. All I have always been thinking is, how I could leave my lonely life again & look forward to having fun with the fun people.

Slowly, I come to realize, the people who are my friends are not just those who choose to share their joy with me only. There are people who are willing to share both joy & go through hardship with me, all the time. It is just how I always failed to see them at all.

I do find myself happier after turning 21. Afterall, many things happened during my 21st, and I've seen the worst, and also the best I could have that day. That special day really made me realize many, many things, that I did not use to see. After that day, a lot of my perspectives changed.

I began to see the joy in going through hard times with people I love together. I wasn't going through them alone anymore. There are times when we complain at every little things together, there are times when we joke about every single thing that isn't funny at all together, there are times when we go "oops!" at our mistakes & poke fun at one another after that, and there are times when we just sit down & have fun together.

Many people have been asking me why I want to exhaust my whole December holidays just like that. I asked myself why as well. I mean, I can be having fun out there. I know JJ is coming back for that Zouk event. I know Rynn is coming back as well(previously). I even know that if I were to devote my whole holidays on that project, I will have to give up my chance of seeing them both. Moreover, I will have to rush & put in a lot of hard work & efforts so that the project will be successful in the end. So why do I still give up on my only chances of seeing them for the sake of the project?

Maybe a lot of people will not understand how I feel. That project is not a commitment. That project is not about hardship. It is all about the people I meet & these are the people who are willing to go through whatever hardship we will be facing real soon. No matter how tough things are going to be, we know we'll be fine. Because we are in for this together, so we will find our way out together. And I really look forward to seeing the outcome of the project. To see our efforts pay off, even for the shortest moment we can imagine, it is enough. Nothing more.

I don't understand why some people have to misunderstand the fact that I choose to give up seeing JJ or Rynn means I do not like them as much anymore. Not seeing them does not mean I support them any less than last time. Not saying out loud that I miss them does not mean I do not miss them at all. Everyone has their different ways of showing their support. And I just choose to do it in the silent way. I do miss them as much as most fans do, just that I don't think I need to say it out to prove that I miss them.

Thanks for that particular person who tells me, "You haven't seen JJ for a long time, you must have missed him. So just go for that event." Thanks! It really warms my heart to know there is someone who always knows me best.

2009-11-17T23:21:00.001+08:00

I'm only a YEAR 3 student officially next semester!

Why am I torturing myself with 2 level 3 modules, and 2 level 4 modules? That does not include MA1521! I think I must be crazy! Lousy at Maths, loading myself with 4 core modules..

Seriously, if I don't die the next semester, I think I will still die the semester after next. There will be no difference to die early or later. I must pray hard now that Nicholas's advice is right. After all, he graduated from CE, but I'm in IS major. *Slap me*

Anyway, we had our 1st OC meeting for CSC Day today.

Yup, I'm happy to be selected as the programme assistant! Nothing could be better than this! =D

So... we had a round of introduction to know everyone in the OC. And we got to learn more about our roles as well as the rough schedule for everything to be done.

I've guessed the workload to be heavy for programme cell after the interview. But it was unexpectedly rushed for everyone in the end. I think it was partly because of me as well. The second meeting is expected to be held soon after the programme cell came up with a draft with proposed ideas of themes and plans. So it was originally scheduled to have the last programmer to finish exams so that the programme cell has time to meet up and plan. And then, that person happens to be me. And my last exam ends on the last day of the whole exam period. How irritating to have a paper on the last day of exam!

We will have so much things to do! We will be spending so much time together in school during the holidays! But I'm sure it's going to be fun! It has to be!!!

2009-11-15T23:40:00.000+08:00

I finally went out with ZARA LB on SaturdaY!

This is happiness! Wahaha...

We went to sing K! And I got to sing 彩虹! It was damn hilarious! I'm totally obsessed with that song right now! hahaha...

After our K session, we walked to Rina's house to slack. Actually, it was because Rina wanted to go home to put her things and she didn't drive to her lessons before that. ZA & I showed them e 彩虹 MV! It totally rocks! =D And we gossiped a lot! Okay... I think I gossiped the most.. OOPS!

After that, Rina drove us to Marina South Pier for dinner! We had fun taking photos before dinner! You can see how excited I was in the pictures below.. wahaha...

Anyway, our dinner totally rocked! And I mean, rock! We went on the ship or whatever you called it for dinner.. That is why it rocks.. hahaha...

Okay, as you can see... the way I'm typing... I'm kind of lazy to blog about the day spent with ZARA LB.

BUT I REALLY HAD FUN! =D

(I think I sound like a kid!)

2009-11-13T23:19:00.001+08:00

You know, after watching the 9pm show, I realized I'm actually like the who in the show.

I do not like to tell people directly why I am angry for some reasons, and want them to realize for themselves what exactly went wrong. No matter how sincere they are in their apologies, they still may not know what was the exact reason. I guess that is also the reason why many people misunderstood my intentions as unreasonable in the end.

I just feel that certain things are not supposed to be spoken out directly. If I tell them directly what is wrong, they may just realize it at that moment & apologize. Sometimes, it'll happen all over again. If people can realize what is wrong themselves, they will not forget that easily, because they realize.

I guess I'm just stubborn. Hmm...

2009-11-13T22:20:00.002+08:00

I think I'm so efficient after I took my nap! I guess that is because nobody is online to distract me or for me to distract. Now I'm taking a break from that mugging.

I think I wasted a lot of time in school today! Oops!

Jocelyn & I were supposed to be in school for CS2105 assignment evaluation. We were done in 10minutes! And we got full marks! I hope the tutor would not change his mind. Haha... Yanzhu told me afterwards that his friend didn't do well because he used localhost or something like that. o.O I was surprised because I asked the tutor if we can use localhost because my laptop was starting up when Jocelyn was already ready. And he was okay with it. So weird right...

Anyway, I went from Science to Engineer to find Xinyi & Jiawei for lunch! Jocelyn "abandoned" me because she had already eaten! Haha... I haven't seen Xinyi for the longest of time! Lol... Anyway! It's the 1st time I saw Chen Hua in school! PHD student-to-be lehz... Don't joke!

After lunch, I had time to spare since there wasn't CS2261 lecture anymore. So I went back to Science with them because Xinyi was going to have her lessons there. On the way there, we saw Esther! Science student in Science! Okay... I'm so lame. After that, Jiawei & I went to Science Library to find Jocelyn & their friends. It was my 1st time in the Science Library! =D Anyway, I was practically slacking there with my laptop. Haha...

Yanzhu came when it was close to my CS3361 lecture time for me to write something. I took such a long time to write. He was supposed to meet Xinyi at Central Forum, so I accompanied him to meet the other Xinyi in Science canteen before taking shuttle bus back to Central Forum. I was like super late for my lecture, but I didn't care. Oops.

When we reached Central Forum, Xinyi was there already. I think Johnson was on his way to Central Library, so Xinyi dragged him to accompany her while waiting for Yanzhu. Johnson was DAMN BLOODY can! He was telling his story of how he woke up with his mouth & pillow full of blood. And we started all the nonsense about the bloody shit & disgusting stuff. When Wing came down from Central Library, Johnson repeated his story.

By the time we finished writing & chit-chatting, it was already 3pm. I walked over to SR1 to realize the last lecture had already ended. Haha! I told you I wasted my time in school! LoL!!! So in the end, I went home happily & nap before my mugging session.

Ohoh.. Anyway, the interview was rather funny yesterday. I shall not elaborate much about it, because I don't think I should do it openly, just in case. Haha... But it was really fun! =D

Give me courage

2009-11-12T01:40:00.003+08:00

I have been a lot acting on my own recently.

I don't really like the feeling of being on my own & acting on my gut feeling. Even though everyone has appreciated my efforts in making the right decisions for them in the end, so far so good, I still have that jittery feeling that I did not perform what they should have expected. Afterall, these decisions are not supposed to be performed by me in the first place. I just feel that I am just going to screw something up because I have not seek for the advices that I should.

This is so contradicting!

I just don't understand why I am so worried, even though I have been doing a good job in whatever I'm helping out so far. I guessed it is because they are all major decisions. I know everyone trusts me enough to handle, but I guess I just don't trust myself.

Everyone give me the encouragement I can do BIG things. They trust me so much and they have the confidence to push me to go for them. But I do not have the confidence that I need to give myself. I seriously need it! Sometimes I know myself that I can do it, but I just want to make sure I do it well.

I need the courage to take the big step forward in order to overcome this mental barrier, seriously..

2009-11-11T01:26:00.002+08:00

Finally!

The mass ticket purchase is finalized & done with!

Next! It would be collecting the ticket from my bestie! Thanks so much for her help over at NTU side. Then I'll be doing my part over at NUS side.. =D

Seriously, for $10 a year, some people just think we owe them our life. And why do some have to comment so much about not being able to go? I'm not saying this senselessly just because I'm above 18 years old. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I can go because of all my commitments. In the first place, do you people understand what is the cause/event is for? It's not his event, FYI. It's for a cause!

Sorry, but I don't really like it when people blindly go for it just for the sake of him without thinking what the purpose is, especially when this is for a good cause. It just shows how much responsibility one has for the society. Maybe I feel more strongly for this particular event because I really hate the fact that people just complain why they can't go see him & do not know what the event is for.

It is the same as how I hate people who does community service for the sake of CCA points. You don't do it with your heart, but you do it with something for return. It is really different doing community service in secondary school & university. In secondary school, many of us do it for the fulfillment of the number of community hours we have to complete each year. Now, if you ask me how many CCA points I have accumulated so far after being in CSC for a year or so, I can tell you, I don't know. This is what many fellow CSC members would probably tell you as well. Maybe I have none at all. Maybe nobody bothers to help me update my CCA records. But seriously, who cares? I do it because I love it.

2009-11-10T16:21:00.001+08:00

I'm currently blogging in Anna's office right now.

Actually, I am supposed to be working as usual. But I finished calling my leads & Jack is not around. Therefore, I got no new leads to call. So here I am, slacking in Anna's office while waiting for her to go for dinner later. Haha...

I've been feeling so sleepy the whole day! I slept in both CS2105 & CS2106 lectures. Only woke up at unimportant timings to pay attention. Lol...

Here I am, leeching on Anna's office wireless... I hope my laptop will last me long enough! To think that I don't feel the need to bring my charger today, even though I brought it along every Tuesday. Tsk tsk tsk...

I shall go slack and play my facebook games! =D

New blog song! New love! So cute! =D

2009-11-09T21:18:00.001+08:00

I have this love-hate relationship about JJ & Rynn.

They always like to come back for official public events around the same period of time. Or rather, sometimes together. As much as I wish for them to perform on the same stage more often, but there is only 1 zx. I’m already openly known for being in both FCs.

Just like how people may not know me, but know that there exists this girl who dresses herself in purple like crazy in school almost every single day.

It is the same as, people may not know me, but know that there exists this girl who jumps around excitedly and chattered real loudly in between these 2 FCs. And it is damn obvious whenever JJ & Rynn have events around the same time.

I think they’re doing it again. JJ will be back for GYSB event, and Rynn will be coming back 10 days later. I can’t imagine if JJ has other events in conjunction with this already announced event. I would be happy if he just releases his album in December and come back in January! =D

OKAY! WHATEVER! Haha….

New blog song! New love! So cute! =D

JJ in my Project YO!

2009-11-09T02:50:00.002+08:00

Now I know how much I've procastinated on my GEM project.

Even JJ is "reminding" me to get to doing it.

What a joke!

But then, I'm kind of serious! =D

I would have known about this event of JJ early if I have started on my project early, you see...

Okay, I'm just being nonsense. It is just coincident that I'm assigned to write up on "Corporate Social Responsibility" for my GEM project, and this "GYSB" campaign is actually part of what I am supposed to research on. So cool eh! I can actually include JJ in my project without having to crack my brains! Haha...

I thought I'll hate researching on Tiger because it is not really a topic of my interest. Now there is a reason for me to love it. Haha...

2009-11-08T21:59:00.002+08:00

Seriously, it has never dawned on me that it is her fault. Because it isn’t at all.

I don’t understand why people think it’s unfair to me. I really don’t think so at all. And just because I said all those things, it doesn’t mean I’m blaming her. Maybe people interpret me wrongly. I’m just stating my considerations, and nothing more than that. In fact, there isn’t any issues with who should be the one doing what & who should not, but they’re just some thoughts that we have to take note of.

I don’t see why it is unfair to me. Some people think I should not be the one giving up on everything because of her. Then again, why should she be the one giving up everything because of me? And there is no reason she has to ask for my opinions on everything she is going to do that is going to affect me. It is her freedom afterall. And whatever that is going to affect me, it is up to me to decide how everything is going to be settled later on. I do have a choice afterall. It really doesn’t mean it is her fault just because she has to be inside some portions of my considerations. I really think it is very unfair to her.

To be frank, she is someone who gains my respect for her. Not just a wonderful friend/partner, but a great supporter as well. I'm truly glad that it is her, and not someone else. People will most probably not understand how I feel towards this kind of thing. I don't think I will be disappointed with how things are going to turn out to be. I guess the sense of belonging is clinging on very well. =D

On the other hand, what I am really disappointed about, are some other things that I don't really touch on anymore. I guess I either rarely talk to some people, or totally don't talk to them anymore. What are friends to everyone anyway? If one day I stopped chasing/loving the same idol as you anymore, does it mean I am no longer your friend? This is a very cruel fact that some people have been showing me. Just because I seem to be less involved in chasing my favourite idols. Just because I stop talking about them anymore. Just because if there is no idol talk, there is nothing we can talk about already.

Everyone has to realize, "I'll support my favourite idol FOREVER." will become a lie some day. If you don't believe me, then you'll be lying to yourself. If you still don't believe me, we can see what will happen 30, 40, 50 years from now. You'll have to believe me one day. I'm confident about this.

Okay, I'm just sidetracking to rant because I just find it a pity a few people don't realize what went wrong in our friendship, and why I stopped salvaging them, and they didn't stop to treasure it as well.

Anyway, I hope I can go KTV with ZARA LB this coming Saturday! No promises! But I really want to meet up with them!

Last Visit of the Semester + Mixed Feeling

2009-11-08T18:30:00.000+08:00

Most of the major assignments/projects are finally over.

I wasn’t in an exact good mood to handle everything, which caused my temper to be kind of bad at times. To think back, I feel bad for venting my anger unreasonably over some people in the past week. I’m so sorry... =(

Oh well… Now, I’m left with 1 group project cum presentation, which I’m supposed to get it done yesterday. Craps! I shall do it later in the evening. Oops! Then there’ll be this 10-page final paper for CS3361 that is due on next Tuesday. Hooray! It’s still a long way, so I still have time to think my way through instead of rushing like mad! But I shall set a target for myself to finish it by Friday if possible. I need time to mug for my final exams too. It’s really time to start!

Yesterday was the last visit of T.H.E. Seniors for the semester. It was really fun as usual. I still feel that it was a pity that I couldn’t attend MAF. I was so looking forward to it so much! I guess being so much involved as compared to last year really makes me feel good & want to do more for T.H.E. Seniors more than anything. Even though I seem to always make blunders out of tiny details, everyone else is able to accommodate me with my little mistakes, which makes me feel comfortable being there. Now I feel so sad because I won’t be able to go for visitation until late December! The next official visit is on the day I had a 1-day course, and if there is an unofficial visit the week before, it’ll be falling on my last day of exam. =(

Anyway, I’ve finally made up my decision to go ahead with it. That was what I thought so initially. Apparently, if I know that he is also thinking in the same hesitation as me earlier, I think I would never choose to do it. He is really the person whom I should listen to because of who he is. Some reasons are just unexplainable until you’ve been through them yourself.

Oh well… I guess it’s already done. So I should really go for it now. But I guess there is more to it. Another thing I have to consider. I really appreciate it, but I’m not really confident if I’m up to it.

So… interview is on Thursday. Somehow, I can say that I’m already well-prepared for it. Thanks to the previous interview which makes me crack my brain over it. Thus, I think whatever I need to prepare should be more or less done in the previous interview. I didn’t realize the amazing things that I’ve done in the previous interview & what it has done to me as well! I still think it’s damn weird! Haha…

2009-11-02T01:18:00.002+08:00

I'm really stunned...

Really stunned...

Stunned...

I wasn't disappointed at the result at all because I've expected it for me that way. I was totally prepared. Or perhaps, I realized it was a wrong decision of trying to start out so huge. I guessed I was hoping much about not getting it after all, and start out properly as a small fry instead. And I was all excited to decide what I want to do after the result was out. I have 2 choices in mind already..

But then...
The result was really a big stunning news for me.
Stunned...

How do I describe it? The result is the first thing that I've always been considering and really hope for it not to happen. Actually, there is nothing wrong with the result at all. In fact, it was an excellent result, and I'm really happy to see it. But in some sense, under certain circumstances, under certain considerations, what I worry most is actually happening in the most happening way.

Maybe I worry too much. Is there really those things to worry about? But I like to foresee things in advance. From what I see now from another situation, I'm experiencing it right now. I don't mind to do it at all. It is exactly from this experience, which is what I'm afraid of picking my choices right now. If I abandon my choices, things may probably just continue the same way as this current experience, and I have totally no complaints about doing it at all. I'm just worried, if I really go for 1 of my choices, who will be there for us? I just think that someone has to be there for us. I can't let others do it, because it is part of my responsibilities to do it.

Those people who know are encouraging me to go for what I plan for. I really wonder if I should. They know it's something I really want to do. But I want to think for the whole picture. It's not a need, it's a want. Now I'm so confused...

2009-10-31T13:12:00.002+08:00

The stressful week is not over yet!

Later I have to go back to school to finish my CS2106 lab.. So dumb.. We have to use OS Lab PC for the final lab exercises. Wth... It's a waste of time! And then my GEK1047 group mates are meeting in school at 5pm as well.. I don't even know if I'll be staying over in school tonight.. If I ever get to finish my lab that is...

Well... At least CS2261 Assignment & CS3361 Assignment have been done! Although CS3361 assignment was postponed last minute to next week. And it'll be onto CS2105 programming assignment! Haiz... It's rush hour man...

I guess it's a good thing that I get to see & realize a lot of things for these past 2 weeks. Some truths hurt, but it's good to see it early.. It's time to let go some things.. There is no point grabbing on tightly to certain things that may fall apart in the end.

2009-10-25T20:31:00.002+08:00

“现实真的很现实。。昨天几个人说的一些话和关心，让我感觉很温馨。。但是，这些人里面，没有一个是我所谓的好朋友。。这就是现实。。至少现实不是残酷的，它让我看到那些真正关心我，就算我什么利用价值都没有，给他们添了很多麻烦，都会一直在我身边陪着我的人。”

I thought I was brave enough to handle everything. I guess I wasn't at all.

I am sick.
I am weak.
I am stressed.
I am at my most vulnerable state.
And I cried.

What makes me cry..
It is not how I realize how practical some friendship has become.
It is not how I am disappointed at some of my so-called good friends.
It is not how I convince myself these friendships are not worthy at all.
It is not how I tell myself I can live without them anyway.

Then I get to understand...
The word, "friendship" has to be re-defined in my life.

It was when I realized, the people who are most concerned about me, are the people who will not come to my mind immediately. We aren't the closest that I would have thought of. But they're are the ones there for me in the end. I didn't share my joy with them, but they share theirs with me. I gave them tons of shit to handle, yet they are the ones who tell me not to worry about them, but the most important thing is to get well soon. When they know I feel bad about something, they assure me so many times that everything is fine.. I feel so comforted.. I feel the warmth that I know I'll never ever get from my good friends anymore.

It was when 1 of my juniors came & tell me something simple, and that was what evoked my tears. The most simple way of showing concern. And all the sms-es & msn messages that came through yesterday. They make me realize I still have so many friends who will be there for me no matter what.

I will not complain how none of these people are my good friends anymore.
It is not important to me anymore.
It is more important to be satisfied with the warmth I get from the friends who truly care.

2009-10-24T14:14:00.002+08:00

I seriously hate myself for being sick twice in just a week.

I'm supposed to be at T.H.E. Seniors MAF and Training Workshop now, but here I am blogging about how much I hate myself. I feel so bad for not being able to be there, especially there will be so many things to deal with today since it is a special event celebration. There's so much I wish I can do today, but I totally hate myself for being sick at the wrong time.

I'm not that sick enough to lie in bed the whole day, having no energy to do anything at all. But I chose not to go because I must think of the welfare of the elderly. I don't want to pass my sickness to them. But yet, I can't do anything for the comm when I know we're all going to need a lot of help and support from one another since this is the 1st special event planned by the new comm.

I think I'm such a lousy vice. Forgetting to collect the canned food. Letting others collect mooncakes on my behalf. Unable to give clear answers to the new comm even though I've been in T.H.E. Seniors for a year. Is that the best I can do? Being sick is not an excuse for shirking responsibilities. I'm sure I can definitely do better than this.

I hate myself right now, this moment.

2009-10-20T22:43:00.002+08:00

We had our 1st comm general meeting yesterday! It was fun, especially with Wynne around being so thick-skinned most of the time. The rest of them had fun either shooting her back, or totally "ignored" her. Haha... I'm glad that the 2 guys are easygoing as well, even though their job scope seem to "grow" after we combined their Welfare/Publicity roles and have both of them on the job. Even though they're all very new, but I'm confident that they'll do a great job for the year! Praying hard for outings soon after exams! =D

I felt so accomplished yesterday as well! I forced myself to complete my CS2105 assignment 3 that was due today. I had like 3 hours after lessons in school since I had to wait for the rest to have our meeting at 6pm. Time flies even when you're working hard! I was really concentrating on doing my assignment the whole time, I didn't even realize the time. I even got started on my CS2261 assignment! Now I'm a happy girl!

But then again... Monday is never a good day for me. It's the day I have to run around for different tutorials even though the hours are short. And I guessed I didn't really rest well the day before, and being so hardworking throughout the day, I got home with a headache. I thought it would be gone after a good night of sleep. I had no idea when was the last time I went to sleep at 11pm. But still, I woke up at 2am & 4am respectively, the typical me who can never sleep for more than 5hours straight properly. Anyway, my headache would usually be caused by fatigue, and be gone after I sleep.

However, not this time round. It was quite terrible, especially with the hot weather today. It wasn't so bad in the morning, but got worse by the day. Luckily I sms-ed in to say I won't be going to work. Seriously, I think it's his luck for employing me! Haha...

Oh well... I spent my supposedly working hours sleeping, and yet my headache didn't go away. Totally feel like dying.. But still, I still need to continue to do my CS2261 assignment. It's not difficult, but it's very tiring doing so many things for it.. T.T

Purple is love! =D

2009-10-16T20:15:00.004+08:00

This is my new purple jacket. It's much nicer in real life! Somehow, it looks like the purple metallic balloons I had during my birthday party here. But it's not even really like that! Haha... It's so chio!

And this is the SMG purple cap that I requested IvalynLJY to buy for me today! So cool too!

So I met up with Ivalyn at Tanjong Pagar on my way home to get it for her & pay her. Ivalyn said she was bored waiting for me, so I kept making her guess whether I was on the train already. Haha... After that we took the green line heading towards Pasir Ris to go home.

We had a small argument whether she should alight at Raffle Place or City Hall to head back to Ang Mo Kio. Ivalyn insisted that it should be City Hall, because she had taken it SO MANY TIMES. In the end, I won! Haha... I bet she enjoyed taking the escalator to the platform to change train at City Hall. BLEH! =P

I shall go and do my lab soon! There's T.H.E.S tomorrow too! =D

2009-10-16T01:39:00.002+08:00

I think I'm the laziest person on earth.

I invited myself to contribute to this blog because I don't want to keep signing in and out of gmail whenever I login to blog. Haha...

I force people who borrow my laptop to use gmail to use Google Chrome because I don't want them to sign out my personal gmail in Firefox and an important email in I.E..

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a Leo. Sometimes I think I'm definitely a Leo too. I think I'm confused by myself. Haha...

A Leo is supposed to be born as a leader. Does preferring to perform tasks as an assistant leader considered a leader? I mean, a Leo is supposed to be very strong in leadership, so they will want the top position to leading. But for me, I don't mind running a leadership position, but if I have the choice, I want to have a leader on top of me & run around my leader assisting him or her. I don't know, but I really love assisting jobs! I don't want to take the main leadership role in JJFC website team, I'm enjoying myself as the vice in my RVP, and I always tend to apply assistant positions in SPs. What's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be a Leo right? Hmm...

5 people actually didn't recognize me in school today because I tied up my hair! Then again, it's not the 1st time I tied up my hair in school what. I've tied a few times since the last few weeks. I just feel that my hair is too messy sometimes as it grows longer now, so I've decided to tie it up. I know it looks like 草 now, but I refused to cut it! My hair is rather thick, so the hairdresser always like to 修薄 my hair, which leads to my hair in different lengths. They always do horrible things to my hair. If I cut now, some of my hair will 翘 at the weirdest length. Maybe I should grow a little longer until the shortest part grow beyond the 翘 stage as well.

Ohh! I bought a super cool purple jacket just now! It's all Anna's fault! She wanted to look for a particular type of skirt but those in BHG are so expensive! So I brought her to Bugis Street to buy. In search for her skirt, it was so tempting to buy that AA jacket. I was hesitating so long to decide if I should buy the black one or the purple one. I knew I should stop filling my wardrobe with purple clothing. But! The purple jacket is so tempting that I ended up buying it in purple again. Haha...

And my Betwo loots arrived! I'm so happy! 2 2-piece dresses, a skirt and a pair of shorts! I love 2-pieces! And that's why I love Betwo, because they sell so many chio 2-pieces at cheap prices. And why people don't believe I have dresses & skirts at home? I do have quite a number of them! It just that I don't wear them for you all to see, because I love shorts more. Haha...

Okay, then again.. I'm broke. Haha... I want year-end bonus. And my boss says, "zx is nice, can give a bit". I shall keep my msn history as proof that he said that before. Haha!!!

2009-10-12T07:11:00.002+08:00

If you think our friendship can wait, then you're so wrong.
I've already moved on..
Time waits for no man.
Waits for no man to catch up what you called friendship.
I've tried, but you haven't..
You can take your time to make your decision.
But remember.
You've lost me as a friend.

Mugging in process.
Mugging about process.
I'm like so lost in Operating Systems..
AAHH...

Every little thing is worth to be happy about.

2009-10-11T02:00:00.002+08:00

Why should we follow what others do?
Why should we have what others have?
Why are we always trying to compare with others?

I guess I do compare a lot about my friends too. And I do make different opinions of my friends as well. That is why different friends stand different positions in my heart at different times. I know I have got closer to some of them. And I have drifted apart from others as well.

Sometimes I wonder.. Is it me who choose to drift apart from these friends? Or is it them who choose to drift apart from me? Or... Is it me who choose to drift apart from them because I think they have drifted apart from me? I think I think a lot at times. I have no idea why.

What I don't understand is.. Why are some people unhappy about my decisions in life? They do not show it directly, but I can sense it, to the extent that I actually feel uncomfortable being around. I mean, if I'm happy, they should be happy for me too. Even if I disagree how some of my friends live their life, I'll still wish them the best. There is no right or wrong in life. It doesn't mean that if I change, I am not your friend anymore. I really don't like people judging my life, especially people whom I used to be or are still close to right now. What makes people think I'll be happier if my life has never changed in the way it does right now?

If you ask me, I'm very happy with my life right now.

I have a heavy commitment in my CCA that takes away my time & energy, but I have a supportive leader. I'm very proud to have her as my chairperson. Despite her busier schedule than mine, she does not push everything to me. Forgetfulness is her nature, and I try to accommodate with it. I know she doesn't forget a lot things on purpose, but she really has too many things to remember. As the vice, I try to lighten her workload in the areas that I can. I know there are many things that she could just ask me to do, but she doesn't take advantage of me. There are times where I made mistakes out of carelessness or thoughtlessness, she took responsibility of them & did not push it to me just because I was the one at fault. She apologizes so many times whenever she is late, and not act like nothing has happened. She includes me in leading, not because she is lazy to do it, but I just feel that she recognizes me as her vice and just want to involve me into the process.

Who am I to deserve such respect from her? I've learnt from many events that being the vice is not easy. The leader & the vice usually do not share the same status as the leader is always the one with more authority power. But this is 1 of the few times that I do feel that she makes it no difference between me & her. She doesn't feel that I'm overtaking her position whenever I try to help or remind her, neither does she exclude me in any important decision making.

Moreover, I feel very happy being in my RVP. It does takes up my time & energy. But it is the smiles and happiness you see in the elderly in return that makes you smile too. Sometimes, we just have to think it in a different way. We help them by paying visits to them and keep them company. In return, it's the elderly who help us in learning about many things that we have taken granted in life.

I have a part-time job that pays peanuts, but I have a fabulous funny boss. I'm not kidding that my job really pays me that little and the even more little amount of hours I put in each week, I'm very certain it doesn't really make a difference in keeping up with my expenditure at all. I do complain that my job is tedious and get scoldings from clients all the time, but I'm actually beginning to enjoy my job. I guess it's partly because I do not work under much stress and I'm a rather tolerant person when it comes to be being scolded by strangers.

I do not work under stress because my boss doesn't demand of me. It does sounds weird, but it's really true. He always hopes for me to work longer hours, but he doesn't force me to if I don't want to. In fact, I choose my own working hours. It's almost as if like I come & leave whenever I like. It is quite amazing he doesn't question about my work ability as well, precisely the very reason that I know I'm not performing at all myself too. I haven't been working very long for him, but he already trusts me a lot. I do not have a timesheet, and I do not have to report when I reach or when I leave. He doesn't take notice of how many hours I work, he just believe whatever hours I say whenever he gives me my pay. Of course, I don't cheat him right. I'm an honest person as well. =D

What else can I request in my job? It's already very funny of my request to wear shorts to work. The answer is actually, "Why not?" okay! I'm not surprised! Haha... That is why there are the reasons why I'm willing to help him to ask about so many things in my CCA. He doesn't demand, he requests. So... Now everyone knows he is rich. Haha...

Lastly, I have many supportive friends who gives me all the encouragement that I could have. They have helped me learn about so many things that I don't used to know. The encouragement they give me, is all the courage that I need. I never know that I can do so many things that I'm taking up now, which I always think they are impossible for me. They are the ones who make me believe I'm possible. Without them, I'll always feel so lousy like before. These are the friends who are ever so willing to help me, no matter if I succeed or fail. I'll always remember the small details of my strength that they pay attention to that I do not even notice myself.

If I never try, I'll never know.
If I never try, I'll never succeed.
If I never try, I'll not even have the chance to think it will happen.
If I never try, I'll not be the one who is standing in front of you right now.

2009-10-09T11:41:00.003+08:00

I seriously think I'm e evil twin of my boss born 5 years later.

I'm a joker. My boss is a joker too. I always think I'm the only person who loves to spell my name backwards. He does it too. And I always find some of his replies to me funny, though I will only laugh secretly. Oops!

Seriously, having a young flexible boss rocks! I totally hate my previous boss! Perhaps it's the comparison that makes me love working for my current boss. I was doing my reading on "Managing Your Boss" the night before. I fit into most of the descriptions of the counterdependent behaviour type of employee. It means my boss has to be a very, very good leader to me, otherwise I'll resent the fact that they are unsuitable to be a leader.

"A counterdependent person is difficult to manage..."
"... apt to have even more trouble with a boss who tends to be directive or authoritarian"
"When acts on his or her negative feelings, often in subtle and nonverbal ways, the boss sometimes does become the enemy."
"is often a good manager of his or her own people..."
"will many times go out of the way to get support for them and will not hesitate to go to bat for them."

Okay, I must remember I owe my boss $5 because both of us had no change. I'm sure I'll forget about it. Someone please remind me! =D

Oh yes! The best thing about my boss is, He says JJ is good! =D And so, I've willingly lent him 4 of my JJ albums! It's nice to share JJ's music to people who appreciate JJ's music!

2009-10-07T17:46:00.005+08:00

I am very very pissed off!
I was very angry... When I saw that...

I'm not sure what I am angry with..

I already don't like that fact. So I don't even talk about that with her.
Please don't ask me why.
Now I think she copied off my idea. I wish I can believe it is coincidence. But I don't think it is.

It is not that I don't like her to copy me. But I just don't like what was copied into it.

Excuse me, if you look at mine, it's 3 dreams. But what she put into her, it's a piece of J**K! Totally destroy my whole image of the dreams. Yucks!
Only one person knows what I'm talking about.
I'm not angry with her. I just don't like that J**K.. As her friend, I wish I can do something about it. But sometimes, the truth hurts. It hurts so much that it is so unbearable to break the truth to others. Even though I have not seen that J**K before, but from the many things we see, we can see he's a real disgusting childish J**K! Because I showed it to her just before what was done.

Seriously.. What a joke!

2009-10-07T01:29:00.002+08:00

I went singing KTV! =D

It's been a while ever since I went for KTV. Not as if I'm a frequent k-ster. But as compared to the number of times I've went during the last long holidays, I really missed singing so much! This was the 1st time I went singing since school started.

Singing is FUN!

Look what school has done to me. 1 test, 1 paper, 1 assignment, and 1 lab practically took my soul away. I've been sleeping lesser and lesser as everyday passes. It is kind of hectic and crazy already even though my timetable is supposed to be slack. I seriously need proper time management!

A few interesting things have happened over the week and I'm very pleased with every single one of them. They shall not be named. Haha... They are getting more interested by the day as well. I totally live on them! =D

Purple is love! =D

2009-10-04T01:57:00.002+08:00

Purple is such a tempting shit!

I was spreeing and I wanted to get everything in purple because everything looks nice in purple! I think if you open my wardrobe, the main colours are black, white, and purple. Haha...

I'm so tempted to buy these cute socks, especially those purple ones.. Any idea where I can get them??

Huilin was exclaiming that I'm famous in school. People that I don't know, or do not know me in person actually know who I am. "Oh! That girl in purple right?" Oh my! I don't even know other people will notice me because I wear purple. I mean, I don't even carry a purple bag! And they can't see the things in my bag what! Lol... Somemore I go for lessons and go home right after lessons. I don't even hang out much in school. =.=

Anyway, I exclaimed at the amount of stationery I have at home! 1 set for school, 1 set for working at home. I never realized that I wasted so much money getting new ones, not knowing I actually have so many old ones left. I guess it'll be a long time before I visit Popular again. Haha...

And this is the chio purple HD leather casing I'm talking about! Great buy! =D (My brother says it looks like a wallet though, I wish I have a new purse that looks like that too! =D)

Here's my super chio purple hair rubber band! It's super cool ok! When I bought it, I thought there were many thin pieces inside. I don't like thin rubber bands because I need to use 2 to 3 to hold up my rather thick hair. Somemore, I tend to lose them easily when I have too many pieces. But I still bought it anyway, because it looks so chio in so many shades of purple. In the end, I realize it's a 1-piece! (I twisted the piece into 2 rounds in the picture.)

Anyway, I think the only thing I'll score distinction in NUS is screwing up my tests/exams. CS2105 test is relatively easy, just that there's too many Ms to remember & I always mix them up! QAM, PAM, PCM, DM, FDM, TDM, etc.. You see what I mean? How I wish I can die doing assignments after assignments without tests/exams torture!

The only M that I'll gladly remember for life is Money!

Oh well.. The test is over.. I'll be glad to touch on my CS2105 assignment & CS2106 lab ~~tomorrow~~ later. Hopefully I can finish them by Tuesday so I can go KTV with "I can't live w/o KTV" gang..

Week 8 is e-learning week! A much relaxing week with all the tests/assignments clearing off before they start piling up to due again in Week 10/11. I seriously think I need to buck up soon.

I think I just feel damn guilty about changing my work time and hour over and over again! Haha... Who the hell would stand your employee to come & go as they wish, and informing last minute again that she'll be late or even not going anymore? Only Jack does, I think. Haha! Okay, I still feel damn bad about it myself because I don't really like getting used of taking advantage of his flexibility. If I ever get used to it, I think I'll be so dead in the future. Boo...

JJ, Rynn & Ethan! drools

2009-09-30T20:52:00.004+08:00

Now I can start staring at these gorgeous guys & drool over them when I come to my blog!

I wanted to find a nicer picture of JJ in red! But that's the closest I could get! Hmph!

I know I'm supposed to be mugging...
But I can't resist myself for looking at cute/shuai guys!

I don't care if the red doesn't fit into the purple background.. But I think it'll look so much nicer than the 3 of them wearing purple with a purple background. And I think I'll have a harder time finding Rynn in purple than I find JJ wearing red. Hahaha...

And I think I'm too obsessed today! I'm in an especially good mood today, which I don't know why! Hahaha...

Self-entertaining is PRICELESS!

2009-09-29T02:30:00.005+08:00

1 more day!

I saw a lot of people yesterday.

I saw 蔡丽莲 & her husband.

I saw 周崇庆.

I even saw my primary school 华文老师！

So cool right!

I think Rynn should quit acting and start singing again! Hahaha...

Okay, I've once again come to the stage of 自言自语 a lot. This usually happens when mugging starts to get intensive. Woah...

Self-entertaining is PRICELESS anyway!

2009-09-26T03:56:00.002+08:00

Yay! I finally finished my lab! Though it's like 4am in the morning now? Haha...

Gosh... I can't believe I'm waking up at 8.30am later.. Where is my sleep? And my mid-term break just ended like that...

T.H.E.Seniors... Here I come later! =D

答案已经很明显了。。相信是伸手可得了。。只是在不久的将来，大家愿意相信事实，还是相信我变了。。

渐渐的，我真的不了解了。。就连最后一个我愿意去相信的，也一样忘记了我。。我们约好的，你们还记得吗？算了。。。昨天，已经证明了。。昨天发生过了什么，可能没人知道，也没人想起。因为他们都忘了有这么一回事。。

以后，想起我的时候，是朋友？还是理所当然的存在？我真的不知道。。

我现在想相信的，是我重新的选择，不会再错了。。之前握紧的，是该放下了。。以前不珍惜的，应该把握了。。从前失去过一次，不可以在遗忘了。。我想。。。是时候了。。

To be honest, I'll really miss Anna.. Because I have nobody to talk a lot, a lot of rubbish to until the end of September. Nobody to keep my mind away from all the things I do not want to think about anymore.

2009-09-24T01:06:00.002+08:00

I met Anna for dinner yesterday! =D

I waited for her while she packed her things. When she was supposed to end earlier than me! Haha... We decided for very long & decided to go Far East Plaza in the end. During dinner, we talked about a lot of things that she was dying to know for the past few months. Okay, I kept my promise to say once everything was over that time, and I did! I guessed a lot of things didn't ended in the way I expected to be. Or it did, in the worse way, that I predicted differently way before. I know how I am myself, so somehow, it ended in the other way afterall.

Anyway, we went shopping & crapping after dinner! Anna was looking for hoodie, but couldn't find them anywhere. Haha! When she walked me to the bus-stop in front of Lucky Plaza, we saw a little girl wearing a hoodie! So funny! A few distance away, we saw another girl wearing! Haha... But still, Anna still couldn't find any hoodie around..

Today... I actually travelled the whole journey to school just to run some errands. I was supposed to make payment for my course in the Undergraduate Office. So I 顺便 brought my laptop to school to print notes. In all, I spent only like half hour in school? When I spent like 3 hours travelling. Oh gosh... On my way home, I went to collect my loots that I didn't manage to collect yesterday. I like all of them! Though I would prefer 1 of them to be the green shirt I wanted initially. And I have a purple polo tee now! So happy! I think my wardrobe only has white, black, and purple mostly.. Haha...

I talked to Anna a lot, a lot recently. When I feel troubled, I tend to talk to 1 single person a lot, a lot. Even though I think Anna doesn't even know that. Thank goodness we're both as nonsense as we can be.

To be honest... How I feel now is not really caused by just 1 person. Many things just happened... over time. I guess there's 1 particular person who knows a lot, a lot. I've been saying a lot about how I feel before I really let it all out now. Even though I talked to Alicia & Anna, I didn't tell them exactly everything.

I won't say it's anyone's fault. If there is, it would be me. I'm not angry with anyone. I'm just upset & disappointed about how things has become to be. It isn't the same. Some things last, some things just changed. The changes may not be obvious to others, but they greatly affect me. And if they do not affect me, it means they are not important to me at all.

I don't wish to quarrel with anyone. That is why I choose to remain silent & not talk about anything. I know how I don't like the things that I see as they are, but I know that is how others live their life as well. I can't force anyone to change just because I don't like it. The only thing I can do is, I choose to leave it. But I know by making that choice, I make everyone unhappy. I wish I can make it better in some ways. But just like how I should not force others to change their way of life, I don't think I can change how I feel too.

It's hard to choose in life. While I get close to 1 group, I neglected the other group. I always try to tell myself sacrifice for some is necessary & no choice because I indeed do not have more time than I could have to keep everyone company no matter how much I wish to. So I try to convince myself that sacrifice must be worthwhile & I'll never regret them. Sometimes I really hate myself for that. Is it me who always make the wrong choice? The groups that I always choose to neglect always end up being the groups that gives me all the support I can have & never ever leave me behind no matter how badly I treated them. Acacia is like that. ZARA LB is also like that. I want to cherish them in every way I could by making way through all the times I can find for them, even if it means giving up others. Until now, I still haven't manage to make it possible for ZARA LB.

2009-09-21T22:40:00.002+08:00

Shower & refreshed! =D

OH!

I remember I still have some stuff to do for T.H.E.Seniors! I shall go do it now before I forget again! We have so much to do! But I still enjoy it! =D

I think I'll most probably give up my other commitment at the end of the year then.

2009-09-21T21:10:00.002+08:00

Thank you Alicia! I will try to. =)

1 of my sprees arrived on 090909! I didn't even know until today! It's the fastest spree I ever joined la! 2 weeks only! Considered super fast for a taiwan spree. Thanks Froggie for asking me to do the bank transfer for her! If not, I wouldn't even realize that I've received a PM. Haha... It's kind of dumb still, because I could have collected them when I collected Wawa's loots the other day. Now I have to go back tomorrow on my way. Boo... I'm sure I'm the most regular visitor at the spree organizer's house. Haha... Nvm... I like.. She has a purple door! Haha...

And I love flooding Anna's msn by talking to myself a lot when she's idle/busy/offline! I've been doing that a lot recently! Haha... Only Anna can stand me doing that! I would like to do it on ZA's msn too! But I realized she always never receive, so it's not fun at all.

Anyway, I realized I made an appointment on behalf last week without realizing it's public holidays today. Oops! It's so funny thinking that none of us realized though! Haha!!! Oh well...

It doesn't matter, does it? It seriously doesn't matter.. I just have to continue talking to people who love me. Just when I was typing that post yesterday, 1 of my freshies came & talk to me. Out of the blue. Nonsense in particular. But I enjoyed it. It warmed my heart.

Yet today, something I said about on that post happened again. Am I that of a person for someone else to get used to asking requests for? And only solely for that purpose that I remain as time passes? I don't mind helping depending on what & how things turn out to be. Just like I don't mind helping Froggie just now even though I had to go through all the way of retrieving some info & spending some time, even when I was ready to go out.

Do you know? Actually I love my Tuesdays & Thursdays a lot. I look forward to having lunch with Wawa & Angela for that 1 hour, talking nonsensical stuff, talking about CS2105, making jokes, etc. I look forward to lunch again on Thursdays with Wawa, and sometimes JW outside school because we hate the 12pm crowd. Wawa sometimes asks me to help her for a favor, and I'll always help her. But I think I trouble her more than she trouble me. Who would go all the way to find my favourite purple jacket when I don't even know where I lost it? Who would run all the way to LT15 to pass me CS1102 text just because our timetable clashes? Yet, never once did she grumble about all these nonsense of mine. I seldom show my gratitude to her at all, but I'm really thankful in my heart. That is why I remember everything. I just don't say it. Even though sometimes her face seems to be very sian, but of course I know she's not sian about me! =) Continue to have lunch with me on Tuedays & Thursdays okay! =D

2009-09-20T22:13:00.002+08:00

It's the mid-term break! Finally...

I finally have the time to idle my weekend away to sleep & watch my jap dramas.. The feeling rocks..

Oh well... Of course.. I'll have to get myself back to mugging tomorrow. It's not supposed to be a nice break anyway. It's just another more relaxing week for us to catch up on what we've learned so far before torturing us further for another 6 or 7 weeks. After that, it's all the mean mid-term tests to test us about things that we don't even get it from the beginning. University life is a vicious cycle where we pay to torment ourselves to death.

NUS is having e-learning week in Week 8. It is supposed to be some measures put against unexpected circumstances like H1N1 where we can't get out of home to attend school. NUS is so slow can? We had it in SP since I was year 1 or 2? That was like how many years ago? And it's quite dumb the way conducted by NUS, as we're still supposed to go back for tutorials/labs. It's like wth?? Why can't they have it full-fledged like SP does? You mean we still have to go for tutorials/labs when some terrible stuff strike us again? Then there's no point at all! It would be the same as me ponning lectures and watch webcast at home. =.= How dumb!

Okay, my life was super hectic for the past few weeks, on the verge of falling sick a couple of times. University life really stretches my limits to the maximum I guessed, both physically & mentally. Time management is really important, looking at the way I planned my schedule for the past few weeks. At least I've learnt it well, even though killing myself badly at some points of time. I should be proud of myself. Planning ahead allows me to complete my lab/assignment/reponse paper way ahead of time, which will never happen to me in SP. =)

I have to thank Nicholas for giving me a lot of help in my lab. I was sure I was spouting nonsense most of the time when asking him questions. In midst of being busy at work, he still willingly tried to help me to his best even though he needed to take a lot of time trying to figure what exactly I do not understand. I'm so glad to have known such a senior. Of course, I do get some appropriate help from 2 others to be able to complete my other assignment, really thanks for all that. I think these people are really great because they have to handle a great deal of my nonsense to make sense of what I tried to ask them. =D I think I'm being annoying most of the time, but they still don't reject to help me at all. And also! My GEK1047 presentation went well I think? I guessed I hit on a vital point of the reading which my lecturer was quite satisfied with. I live a happy girl. =D

Hmm... Monday was my most hectic day! It was the day that killed me after that, which led to my really short-temper the next day because I was totally tired out. Mondays are usually my most busy days because it's the only day I have to run most from classes to classes. To add on, I changed my schedule of 1 of my regular commitments from 1 of the other days to make up for the 4 hours gap I had in between. After that, I went to A.R.K. House to meet the rest to celebrate Siew Yong's birthday. The cake was totally burning with the magic candles while waiting for Siew Yong & Carol to reach. In fact, I was just a short distance ahead of them, so I didn't get to see the original cake in person too. Haha... I do hope Siew Yong enjoyed her birthday surprise! We went through much efforts to bluff her to make everything successful ok! Haha...

I guessed my personal message in msn did depict a little about my mood recently. No doubt I'm indeed referring to CSC friends as newer group of friends. You know... They don't really do much. It is just the support that they give me most of the time. They listen to to rant, listen to me crap, even though I'm quite nonsense most of the time. Not requesting anything back in return. That simple. Not looking for me only when they need me, or only when they want someone to listen to them talk about some other people other than me. That's all. Through this personal message, I also realise 1 thing. The people who truly love me are the ones who simply tell me, "No matter what, I'll be there for you." It's because they are certain which group of friends they belong to already. (With the exception of Wawa, because I ignored her sms-es just right before that. Oops!)

Maybe I'm very selfish. I just want people to ask, "What are you doing?", "What's up?". I don't mind if they talk some nonsense with me. It's precisely all this that makes up bits & pieces of life. I can't say I didn't try to change this feeling in me. I've tried to start conversations on my own initiative, which ended up in nothing that change at all. The more I try, the more I feel that this feeling is getting worse. At times, I just get so fed-up that I left everything with a bye.

I guessed I'm rather scary recently because of this. I snap at people for no reason that they know. I just get so unreasonable & flare up so easily than usual. I think I just fear for the times when I can't get connection to the people I want badly.

(Anyway, everything above excludes ZARA LB of course! I still love every one of you. =D)

I'm JuZ a liL mE wiF mY oWn LiFe...

Goodbye 2011.Hello 2012.

My worries are short-lived.

Life is complicated

Graduation

Exam is over!

What is effort?

Capable? Or not?

支持偶像爱而不疯

小燕之夜 - 林俊傑

JJ “I AM” 世界巡回演唱会

It sucks to feel like this.

Depicts my feelings indirectly.

Am I tired of everything?

Long time no see! =P

So cool!

Falling sick...

My "LONG LOST LOVE"!

嚴爵。Yen-j。

INSIGNIFICANT HUMAN BEING

Random stuff

Reflections on the 21st year of my life as I turn 22.

Birthday Wish: Purple PowerShot SX210 IS.

Spain won! What's next?

第２１屆金曲獎 林俊傑 演唱

Tired!

Smiles

A great week!

I love THES! =D

Disgrace in Singaporeans

I love THES! =D

I have a nice manager! =D

Happy 5th Birthday to kib0sh-t0tz! =D

EXAMS ARE OVER! =D

Confused

Projects are tiring

At times like this...

Smiles

Hortpark Recee!

6 more days to CSC Day

东于哲。爱与不爱。宇中

HAPPY NEW YEAR, 2010! =DD

I'm sorry

The love that is everlasting

700th POST!

699th Post! It's all about Rynn! =D

EXAMS ARE OVER! =D

高校铁金刚

Give me courage

New blog song! New love! So cute! =D

JJ in my Project YO!

Last Visit of the Semester + Mixed Feeling

Purple is love! =D

Every little thing is worth to be happy about.

Purple is love! =D

JJ, Rynn & Ethan! *drools*

Self-entertaining is PRICELESS!

第２１屆金曲獎林俊傑演唱

JJ, Rynn & Ethan! drools